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Internal Saboteurs #5, 6
List from :
“POSITIVE INTELLIGENCE” – Shirzad Chamine
7. The People-PLEASER in You
⛓️ Description
It tries to gain acceptance & affection – indirectly- especially without being asked for help, or someone even needing any.
YOU :
⚙︎ lose sight of your own needs & become resentful as a result
⚙︎ have a strong need to be liked by everyone, trying to earn it by helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering them
⚙︎ can’t express your needs directly & clearly
⚙︎ need frequent reassurance by others that you’re ok with them
⚙︎ do so manipulatively by having people feel obligated to reciprocate all your attentions.
⛓️ Thoughts
⚙︎ “To be a good person I should put the needs of others ahead of my own
⚙︎ It bothers me when people don’t notice or care about what I’ve done for them
⚙︎ They can be selfish & ungrateful
⚙︎ I give away too much & don’t think of myself enough
⚙︎ I can make anyone like me
⚙︎ If I don’t rescue people, who will?
⛓️ Emotions
⚙︎ It feels selfish if I express my own needs
⚙︎ I worry that insisting on needs will drive others away
⚙︎ I resent being taken for granted, but am afraid to say it
⛓️Justification Lies
— I don’t do these things for my benefit
— I help others selflessly & don’t expect anything in return
— The world would be a better place if everyone did the same
⛓️ Original Survival Function
The Pleaser tries to earn validation helping others. This is a sneaky way to have one’s OLD unfulfilled emotional needs met
It is fed by two original assumptions picked up in childhood :
1. “Other people’s needs are more important than mine” (rule)
2. I must provide love & affection in order to get any back, because I’m not actually worthy of it 
⛓️ Impact on Self & Others
🪄Can jeopardize or prevent taking care of one’s own needs including emotional, physical, & financial
🪄Can lead to emotional resentment & physical burnout
🪄 Others can develop dependence on us (infantilize) rather than learning to take care of themself.
🪄Eventually the helpee feels manipulated, obligated, guilty.
🦠 ACoAs posts
Co-Dep People-pleasing, Enneagram Type 2, TOXIC Family Rules
Constantly in search of new stimulation & greater excitement in the next activity or busyness.
⚙︎ rarely are at peace or content with the current activity.
⚙︎ are easily distracted, can get too scattered
⚙︎ stay busy, juggling many different tasks & plans
⚙︎ chase excitement & variety rather than not comfort or safety
⚙︎ quickly bounce away (escapes) from unpleasant emotions
⛓️ Thoughts
⚙︎”This isn’t fulfilling. The next thing has got to be more amusing!
⚙︎ I have to shift my attention to something interesting
⚙︎ These negative feelings suck
⚙︎Why can’t anyone keep up with me?
⛓️ Emotions – I’m
⚙︎ impatient with what’s happening now
⚙︎ longing what’s next that I’ll enjoy
⚙︎ afraid of missing out on any interesting experiences
⚙︎ restless, wanting more & more options.
⚙︎ worried that if I focus on any unpleasant feeling it’ll grow , never stop & be overwhelming
⛓️ Justification Lies
— Life is too short. It must be lived fully
— I don’t want to miss out on all the possibilities
— The continual adrenalin rush makes me feel alive
⛓️ Original Survival Function 
⚙︎ The Restless Saboteur is a strategy to find constant new sources of excitement, pleasure, & self-soothing (like thumb sucking)
⚙︎ Could come from early life experiences with inadequate parental comfort in painful circumstances
⚙︎ Restless self-indulgence is a temporary escape from having to deal with anxiety & pain
⛓️Impact on Self and Others
🪄 Under all the surface fun is an anxiety-driven escape from being present in the moment’s full experience, which might include unpleasant things
🪄 The Restless avoids a genuine focus on issues & relationships that truly matter
🪄Others have a hard time keeping up with the Restless’ frenzy & chaos, & they can’t build anything sustainable around it.
🦠 ACoAs posts
Enneagram Type 7, Fear of Responsibility, Repressing unpleasant emotions
NEXT : Saboteurs – Types 9, 10
HEAL & GROW for ACoAs 