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SECURE Attachment
The concept of a “secure base” is central to attachment theory, the bedrock for emotional & physical health, crucial to a child’s successful development 

All children form some kind of attachment relationship to primary caregivers –  the 4 major types being Secure, Insecure-avoidant, Insecure-resistant & Insecure-disorganized)

Secure attachment has lasting impacts on an individual. Such children have a consistent, loving relationship with parents – giving the confidence to explore & interact with the world as they grow. They feel protected by their caregivers, & know they can depend on the adults returning – if they leave briefly.

ADVANTAGES to being Secure
❦ Admit when in distress, able to be vulnerable even IF in a high-powered position
❦ Have high self-esteem & few inner doubts
❦ Less likely to be a bitter cynic & more an enlightened work-colleague
❦ Regard others as trustworthy & reliable until proven otherwise
❦ Remember parents as warm, available & affectionate
❦ Actively work on & enjoy intimate relationships

CHARACTERISTICS of secure people

► PSYCHOLOGICALLY – THEY
= understand what makes themself & others tick, with a sense of why their parents behaved as they did

= are better at recognizing their own inner conflicts, knowing when they’re off centre. & generally know what to do about it

= take responsibility for their strengths & limitations, & work at improving themselves, with persistence & gentleness

= are comfortable being alone & enjoy their own company, whether “married”or not. Also strongly goal-oriented when on their own
THEY
= are good at “self-regulation”, including identifying & maintaining healthy boundaries between self & others

= have a sense of personal empowerment rather than helplessness – resilience in the face of adversity, with a high tolerance of short-term ambiguity & frustration

= are optimistic & hopeful – knowing their life’s purpose, & believe in their ability to solve problems or overcome obstacles

= are adaptable & flexible in all life situations, including conflict
THEY
= know they can be themself, safe to disclose their thoughts & feelings to ‘close ones’, without fear of rejection

= feel worthwhile even when rejected by someone, & so are not as hurt by others’ moods & negative comments or actions

= assume other people have good intentions, so are likely to forgive them when they’re hurtful

►EMOTIONALLY – THEY
= can roam the emotional world freely, & help others with strength & empathy, from confidence in their own worth

= are willing to explore the emotionally close relationships, not afraid of being ‘seen’, finding it easy to enjoy closeness, physical & emotional, without putting up walls

= freely express both pleasurable & painful emotions, part of any relationship, & the courage to experience heartbreak – called emotional intelligence

= can pick up on other people’s feelings, attuned to others’ emotions & attitudes, making them better parents, partners, friends & employees

= are quick to forgive others – letting them know when they made a mistake, but not holding it against the

= tend to show anger more easily toward others, but quickly recover their calm 

► MENTALLY – THEY
= are mentally flexible, & not threatened by criticism. So they’re
willing to reconsider their way of interacting, & if necessary, revise beliefs & action-strategies.

= know that things will be okay again during challenging times

= are effective communicators, & expect others to understand what they hear, & be responsive.

= are great conflict busters. During a fight they don’t need to act defensively, nor injure or punish an adversary or partner, which prevents the situation from escalating

= when there’s conflict in goals or plans, they make an effort to understand another’s point of view, & find a compromise that satisfies both parties

► WORKING – THEY
= have higher incomes, on average
= have higher job satisfaction, less likely to burn out
= have better physical & mental health, less symptoms of illness
= less likely to put off or have trouble with their tasks, less fear of failure or rejection

= use their ability to reflect on their own (& others’) inner emotional states to be better leaders, being more successful in a group work environment

= pick up on attitudes & needs of staff, & so are able to respond appropriately, both verbally & nonverbally. Feel heard, employees  have a greater sense that such team leaders can be relied on.

= tend to be well-liked by colleagues because they’re friendly & outgoing, and generally likable. Because the feel secure, the, comfortable with themself & others.
SEE Posts on Positive Leadership

NEXT : Secure #2