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SITEs: “How to Spot a Fake Friend”

▪︎ 12 Signs of a Fake Friendship    – Expanded info, with cartoons

Some FAKE FRIEND (FF) Characteristics

MENTAL / VERBAL – THEY:
◎ often gossip about other friends with you (so are very likely to gossip about you too)

◎ are not interested in getting to know you on a deeper level

◎ put down your opinions or beliefs

◎ judge your limitations or mistakes harshly

◎ always turn the conversation back to themselves

◎ forget the important things going on in your life

◎ insist on convincing you of their point / opinion

EMOTIONAL  / PSYCHOLOGICAL – THEY:

◎ tend to disappear when you need their friendship the most

◎ try to make you feel guilty or get passive-aggressive when things don’t go their way

◎ have a hard time being happy for your successes & achievements (envy / jealousy)

◎ use back-handed compliments to confuse & wound you

◎ are quick to take offense or get angry with you

◎ infect you & everyone else with their continual bad mood or ill temper

◎ only find you when they need help

◎ have a heightened sense of self-importance & entitlement

◎ hold your past mistakes over you & won’t let them go

◎ try to control & change you

SOCIAL – THEY:

◎ rarely initiate calls or get-togethers

◎ never stand up for you in front of others

◎ frequently break promises or “forget” commitments

◎ say things to embarrass or shame you in front of others

◎ call you only when it seems they have nothing better to do

◎ can easily drop you as a friend when it suits them

◎ selfishly take up a lot of your time

◎ don’t like your other friends (possessive)

☛ ADD YOUR OWN to the list  

 FAKE FRIENDS (FFs) :
⦿ ask about you but aren’t actually interested
FF may say, “Hi! How are you?”, & then turn away to talk to someone else before you can open your mouth, OR immediately start talking about themselves, & never take a breath!

⦿ always demand convenience 
FFs make sure they have everything they need first – & to their taste – before considering others. They may be charming, smooth, even cheerful, yet it’s all done for their own benefit, even when it means others will suffer

Notice:  they’re only nice as long as a situation suits them, & not a minute longer. As soon as they’re not happy, they’re not nice (high-maintenance).

⦿ leave your side for someone ‘better’
FFs use others to comfort themselves – only act friendly when they don’t want to be alone. In an unfamiliar or uncomfortable social situation they’ll act like your friend so they’ll feel better & look popular (not a wallflower). As soon as they spot someone with a higher social status or is more interesting, they’ll mosey over to the ‘more valuable’ person.

⦿ are inappropriately excited to see you 
If you run into an old friend you haven’t seen in a long time, you might exclaim & hug each other. But when someone you barely know does that (you’ve only exchanged small talk with, at work or other group), it’s not about friendship. It’s boundary invasion &  being presumptuous.

Maybe the FF is just desperate to be liked, wants to look better to others, hopes to placate you if they think you’re angry at or displeased with them, or just buttering you up to get something from you later.

⦿ constantly talk over you
Some people just likes to hear themselves talk – who ask a question just so they can gives their version or opinion, or who forever tell the same story, even using the very same words & expressions.
Sometimes FFs will act really interested in what you have to say, nodding with enthusiasm – but later you realize they never seem to remember things you’ve told them over & over.

ALWAYS notice people’s pattern of interaction with you & with others.
IF you want to tell a FF they’ve hurt you, remember to be respectful & have good boundaries.
IF they don’t want to hear it, but instead get defensive, change the subject or turn it back on you – making you the bad-guy – then it’s time to let go . Life’s too short to hang onto to a toxic relationship.

NEXT: Real friends