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AA’s Step Four : Listing our resentments

From pg.64 in the Big Book
“In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper…  Aside from confusion, the second obstacle some of us have encountered at Step Four has been in the short-sighted belief we had no resentments. Even if this is the case for you – just proceed by making a list of “people, institutions or principles” who you are still or have ever been angry with.

If you’re having trouble making the list, just think of the “complaints” you’ve had over the years (& might still have) against other people & situations that said or did things that bothered or aggravated you ( and some not directly done to yourself).  Don’t worry about how few or many names you think of at first. Just start a list of “justified grudges” you can remember having against others….

Remember, this is not about your character defects – that’s a separate list.
🥸 Value of doing this exercise is TO :
♦︎  clarify emotions & identify patterns in relationships or situations that trigger resentment, promoting better connections
♦︎ encourage self-awareness & promote emotional healing, leading to personal development
♦︎ get emotionally & spiritually honest, which builds integrity & can highlight your values
TO:
♦︎ identify your specific needs & goals, by seeing what hurts or blocks you from others
♦︎ minimize ‘vagueness’ & denial – common mental states for ACAs – by getting clear about what’s going on in you head
♦︎ potentially resolve ongoing conflicts with others (if possible & if they matter to you), by correcting miscommunications
♦︎ eventually use as a list for Steps 8 & 9 – whenever making amends is appropriate.

⬇️ Suggested situations & people who may have or still do upset you.
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⬇️  As guidance to filling in these columns, use the EXTENSIVE explanations of the 6 categories at “RecoveredOnPurpose” site, covering many areas, ++ worksheets, guides, support…..
ALSO : Info for Resentment & Fear Inventories

Combine these 2 forms – extending them as far down as needed. Below them is a suggested list you can apply to #3, & the narrow column identifies needs, interests & goals for #4. (see many Variations of this CHART). FYI – I added the 6th column.
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