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4. POWER Grabbers  = (pg. 126, “MM” by Goldberg & Lewis)

a. The MANIPULATOR
◆ Underlying issue : Manipulators experienced a lot of deprivation early in life, so compensate by developing the ability to move  people around like puppets.  This hides feeling frustrated & powerless.
They have an exaggerated need to be important to offset the deep feeling of inadequacy.
In their mind, everyone is either a winner or a loser.  All of their energy is directed toward ending ‘on top’ – the alternative being abhorrent. Their major characteristic is  not having a conscience, so they don’t feel guilt. They misrepresent themself, play one person off against another, take advantage of loopholes in the law…

◆ Payoff : Controlling others with accumulated money & power is a symbolic way to get back at those who manipulated & controlled them early on – to even the score. These types can be found in any & every walk of life – parents,  doctors, lawyers, teachers,  clergy….

A secondary benefit is that successful ones lead ‘exciting’ lives. They mingle with important people & have access to power-circles.  Even the slightly less prosperous manipulators can gain respect & approval based on their level of power & money.

◆ Cost :  A main one if the loss of integrity. although the manipulator considers it an inhibiting weakness.  OR it may be a heavy price for someone who becomes manipulative gradually – on the slippery slope of compromising their weak personal standards. Once sold, it’s hard to buy it back.
Becoming successful, they gradually retreat into a fantasy world, where they can make up their own rules. The law is for fools  but can be use to their benefit. They use power to get more money & that money to get more power.

In this category : Psychologist have found that manipulators have a strong self-destructive streak. Eventually as their arrogance becomes more blatant, they do get caught, but are shocked they can’t talk their way out of trouble. Also, as they become more successful, their desperation increases, because the rewards they’re working so hard for are empty, even boring. Ironically, assuming there’re above everyone else, manipulators can be taken advantage of by someone cleverer than themselves.

b. EMPIRE BUILDER (EB)
◆ Underlying issue : In many cases they lost or were rejected by a parent,  concluding that they can’t rely on anyone other than themself.  Their main motivation is to suppress feeling powerless & weak, carried over from childhood.  They can’t tolerate being dominated, but ironically have an unconscious need for dependency.
Their fear of being exploited leads to never asking for anything from anyone. So the alternative to being vulnerable is being the one who dominates, making others be dependent on them – the compliant wife, the cowed employees… while the children often become rebels to break away from the oppressive control.

◆ Payoff : Their empire might be large or small – being able to create an ‘kingdom’ represents success. As long as they hold on to their money,  holdings, property…. they avoid their horror of neediness & impotence. Having “made it” gives them a feeling of accomplishment & internal satisfaction, as well as being admired & respected by admirer & competitors.
By controlling their rage & with enough money – some can mask their terror  by acting generous & protective. They provide the “better things in life” for themself & family – a better clothes, cars, neighborhood, schools, vacations,  toys….

◆ Cost : They can only relate to others in terms of being “one-up”, all relationships being a power struggle, without warmth or tenderness. The compulsion that drives them to empire build – makes them poor mates & parents, often running the family like a business. They make demands & give orders, tyrannizing everyone. resulting in alienation & being hated.

Their constant focus on achieving & running their domain prevents them from enjoying their accomplishments, being too busy to appreciate what they’ve worked so hard for.  They feel guilty when not working & ‘producing’, dreading social events & holidays.  Their friendships are superficial, people selected from business, who are left behind when projects & contracts end, so are made to feel unimportant.
Actually, their obsession with empire building fulfills a hidden need to isolate from a world they experience as hostile & competitive, seeing people as either allies or enemies.

In this category : Like kings of old, EBs set out to expand & increase their sphere of power & influence. A main characteristic is an overriding drive for self-reliance & independence. They’re ambitions, driven & aggressive, willing to work hard to get what they want.

NEXT : Power Grabbers , #2