PREVIOUS : MM – Love Dealers, #2

POSTs :”Risk Averse”
😨 “Patterns of Mistrust”

 

AW = Autonomy worshipers,
(in 5/25)
LB = Love Dealers (in 6/07)
SC = Security Collectors
PG = Power Grabbers

3. SECURITY Collectors  (pg 102, “MM” by Goldberg & Lewis)

🔻 SAFTY-FIRST  Syndrome
EXP == W.C. Field’s fear of losing his money caused him to open 200 bank accounts, some of which were never found. Psychologists Goldberg and Lewis cite this as an example of money-related paranoia.

For the S-C, any money spent on pleasure or ‘unnecessary’ items is money wasted. This “sin” is compounded by wasting time – not spent making money. “Time is money” is a Ben Franking quote.

☀︎ Distrust is the cornerstone of the Security Collector (SC) – of people, the world & the future. The possible exception is money – not because of its purchasing power, but because having it makes the owner less anxious, & therefore safer – the SC main goal. 

If the child can’t depend on consistent, loving parents & other authorities, they learn to distrust, & will look for something else to rely on. Unless in poverty, the thing they find to lean on in money. At first the fear of loss is of realistic & practical things.

Eventually, as they depends more on & more on the amount in their bank account for self-esteem & safety, the fear of financial loss becomes all consuming. This preoccupation (obsession) prevents them from thinking in terms of winning, not being able to enjoy the benefits & relaxation their money could provide.

☀︎ Recognizing it –  Over time, S-collectors depend more & more on money for security & self-esteem, so that financial loss is the greatest & constant worry.
Forming internal trust or distrust depends on the quality of mothering received in infancy. Harvard prof Erik Erikson identified Trust as the first stage of development toward social maturity. Without it, responsible adulthood is not possible.

TYPEs
a. COMPULSIVE SAVER (CS)
◆ Underlying issue : these parents did not provide the child’s PMES needs to deal with normal childhood vulnerability & powerlessness (real or imagined ‘dangers’ of infancy).
This left the child forever feeling unable to cope with a world that seems threatening & overpowering. No amount of money is ever enough to quell the insatiable craving to keep accumulating – no  matter how great the bank account’s total. The terror is that some tragedy – out of their control – will wipe it all out, or it will all somehow be stolen!

◆ Payoff : money in the bank helps to lessen their sense of emotional insecurity. Their accumulated wealth allows them to withstand real economic crises, as well as any imaginary doom that does not materialize.  There are parts of society that hold them up as an example of the virtue of thrift, who believe that people get rich by saving their pennies. When some CS experience their compulsion to be socially admired & valued, they may turn saving into a form of religious zeal, letting them feel noble & superior.

◆ Cost : the biggest price are the lost opportunities to enjoy intimate relationships & valuable friendships. An intense focus on making, saving & hoarding money in its various forms – make them distant, boring & selfish. They become defensive rather than relaxed, more secretive & withdrawn.The more they have the more they worry about losing it. The suspicion that others only want to be with them for their money makes the uneasy to be around.

Beside deprive themself of social pleasure, some CS may be vulnerable to physical problems, including various psychosomatic complaints. They skimp on self-care & medical visits, often ignoring small signs of illness which lead to unrepairable damage. To add to their pile they work extra long hours, tolerating severe fatigue, without breaks or rest, so the combination of neglect & stress eventually take their toll

🔺 Breaking out of it
Money attitudes that are learned at an early age can be unlearned. Their importance is often overlooked by psychotherapists, who – the authors believe – sometimes have their own “money madness”.  –Publisher’s Weekly

NEXT : MM – Security Collectors, #2