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SITE : “How To Trust God In Hard Times + 7 Bible Verses To Pray”

 

John Bradshaw, ACA therapist, TV lecturer, (in the 1990s) & author of many important books…. reminded us that “Up to the age of 7 children deify their Parents. After that they parentalize their Deity”. 

Unfortunately, for many people who grew up in a narcissistic &/or alcoholic family – their only reference for a Higher Power – are abusive, drunk & neglectful parent(s). In ACoAs 12step meetings, we are minded that “God is not an alcoholic parent!”.  Instead, we read in God’s own Words that He is attached to us!
♥︎ “I have loved you with an everlasting love” Jeremiah 31:3
♥︎ ” ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’ “(Hebrews 13:6),
♥︎ “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted & saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalms 34:18).

As ACoAs, few of us had many positive attachment choices growing up – perhaps an attentive relative or older sibling, a friend’s kind mother, a sensitive babysitter or teacher….. but for most – there was no beneficial influence in our early years.
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We didn’t have a choice then  but now we do. NOW, as part of our life-long Recovery, we can allow ourself to form attachments to safe people around us. Along with that we can develop an attachment to Yahweh, the loving Creator, learning that we can trust in His love, care & provision.

Without that – given our background – the world is a scary place, just like our original home, & we’ll find unhealthy PPT (people places, things) to fill the ‘hole-in-the-soul”, such as food, sex, drugs, control, rescuing….

Re, HOPE
Children from a severely dysfunctional home end up with a deeply rooted sense of hopelessness : “nothing ever changes, nothing good will ever happen, & nothing good is available for me.” When a secure attachment base is lacking, people lose confidence in the possibility of achieving what’s important to them. They shy away from others & from problems in relationships. 

Developing HOPE is an essential part of Recovery.
DEF:  a way of thinking, composed of having :
(1) meaningful goals for the future
(2) the ability to identify procedures to make those goals work
(3) the motivation & energy to implement those procedures 
High levels of hope is related to much better performance & achievement in all areas of life, at any age.

Research shows that parents instill hope in their children when they are a “secure base” that allow children to :
— confidently explore their environments
AND who provide safe havens so children can
— retreat to be consoled when frightened by stressful events.

Just as secure attachment to parents instills hope in children ——> secure attachment to God & healthy groups can foster hope in adults – especially when life seems dark. It minimizes loneliness, encourages positive emotions & higher levels of optimism. 

Developing trust in a loving all-powerful God  – exactly because He is not like our original family – provides a sense of safety, predictability & reassurance throughout life. These blessings might explain why researchers have found that a secure attachment to God yields positive mental health benefits, It allows us to think, feel & act in ways that makes life better & easier.
(Modified from – Hal Shorey Ph.D., The Freedom to Change)

A REVIEW of 17 studies by the Psychiatry Dept. at U. of Saskatchewan, Canada (2013) looked at “The Relationship between Attachment style & Spiritual Beliefs”

In this context, God is considered a Heavenly parent, & religious beliefs fostering hope as past of psychiatric treatment. Higher levels of spiritual awareness & practice were independently associated with better psychological well-being, providing emotional comfort, self-regulation, & meaning.

The attachment-religion link comes from 2 hypotheses:
— Correspondent : attachment will be stable across different relationships (secure in one predicts secure in others)
— Compensation : a relationship with God makes up for deficient caregiving bonds, by substitution.
Some FINDINGS:
☆ The mental picture of how survey respondents  connected to Mother was similar to the ‘see’ their connection to God
☆ People with Secure, sensitive parents – had strong religious beliefs
☆ Those with insensitive parents used religion to compensate
☆ Disorganizeds tended to have a sudden religious conversion, or a pull toward New Age ‘Spirituality’.

Unwritten Assumption :  God was more often used as crutch &/or tranquilizer, rather than having a genuine inter-relationship with Him as our Creator & Savior.

NEXT : Spirituality (#2)