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IMP. NOTE : MORE Attachment posts will continue in OCT 2023

 

 

Healthy Self-Regulation for Avoidant Attachment style
Research suggests that these attachment patterns are consistent over time, but there is other research and many psychological professionals who believe that with insight and some hard work, you can interrupt negative attachment patterns.

Self-regulation means being able to manage your emotions & actions in order to achieve what you want in the long-run.
Basically, it means think before you act. It means understanding your triggers, as well as how you typically react to them.
Emotional triggers for Avoidants :
🔻A partner wanting to get too close – wanting to open up emotionally, demanding your attention
🔻Being judged or criticized for being emotional
🔻Feel the relationship is taking up too much of your time
🔻Having to be dependent on others
🔻Unpredictable situations, or feeling out-of-control

Any of these triggers could cause Avoiders to withdraw, distracting themselves from uncomfortable;e emotions with work or hobbies, or pretend they don’t exist at all.

Healthy self-regulation if you’re an Avoidant
🔺Allow yourself to trust others who’ve proven themself trustworthy
🔺Express your needs & desires to  loved ones
🔺Let yourself depend on safe people by asking for help when needed
🔺Give yourself permission to experience any emotion that surface & resist repressing them. Find safe ways to feel, express & share them

TIPS to help Avoiders Self-regulate
1. Take personal space when you need it
One thing that probably won’t change is your need for personal space in a relationship – and that’s OK. This is especially true when a conflict starts to escalate – so it’s a constructive thing to do. It may preserve the relationship if you want it to!  & could even help it grow.

2. Open your communication
At their core, Avoiders have a fear of feeling, showing strong emotions, which feels like being out of control.

Being able to discuss things with a partner openly & honestly is the key to co-regulating emotions. This prevents a buildup of anger & frustration which can lead to blowing up or ‘disappearing’.  In time, the Avoider will learn that talking about feelings is better than bottling them up.

3. Challenge your inner critic
Their Avoider’s inner critic has convinced you to distrust others & that’s you’ll always be judge or reject for expressing ‘ugly’ emotions. This probably happens to you from your family, but does not apply to everyone in the present.

You may mistakenly self-regulate using these toxic belief , worrying how others will respond when saying how you feels. In contrast, you may idealize yourself to cover up hidden self-hate.
EXP : “I can’t get too involved with someone. They’ll just disappoint me”.
Correction :  Think of times when someone safe that you cared about was really there for you 0 listening without judgement. This can help counter your inner critic by proving it’s not always right.

4. Work on FoO Recovery
FoO = Family of Origin. This can be done with a skilled & kind therapist along with any 12-Step Program that applies: Al-anon, CODA, ACA, AA, OA /for food, DA / for $$$ issues……

The right kind of therapy can help you identify unhealthy ways * meths of self-regulating. Along with the therapist, you can work through attachment triggers, brainstorming some healthy ways of dealing with painful emotions that won’t damage you or your relationship.  (Modified from article “Avoidant Attachment….)”

NOTE : Therapy for Avoiders?
One type is Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which works by identifying harmful thought patterns & behaviors, understanding why and when they happen, a& undoing them through role-playing, problem-solving, and building self-confidence. For avoidant attachment, CBT can help build secure attachment thought patterns as  replacement.

REMINDER : MORE Attachment posts will continue in OCT 2023 = after “Mental Health DON’Ts” posts

NEXT : MHP – Mental, #2a