PREVIOUS: Difficult People – Intro
SITE: Humans are naturally Selfish
LOOKING at YOURSELF – just for a minute 😊
If we consider someone to be difficult – it may be that:
💧 our 2 personalities clash – which we can’t change or fix. It just is.
💧 we can be the difficult one, rubbing others the wrong way
💧 we misunderstand the other person’s behavior or group’s goal
💧 they are indeed difficult, but trigger an old unhealed issue in us
Since everyone brings preconceived ideas & attitudes to every situation, we tend to interpret observations of & interactions with others thru our personal lens – ‘glasses’ that are not always wiped clean. AND, much of the time we have no idea what’s really behind someone’s ‘weird’ style, yet we unconsciously fill in the blanks with wrong assumptions about them
Being disruptive in whatever environment they’re in, Difficult People (D.P.) push buttons in others – especially those who have to deal with them for a long time. It’s very wearing.
But what upsets you may only be irritating or neutral to ‘the next guy’.
So it’s truly empowering to figure out & deal with what sets us off, those buttons our family installed & are now stuck in the WIC. Fortunately we can understand the root cause of our reactions to D.P., instead of being confused, & feeling tapped by them.
It’s a 2-parter:
• identify your strengths, skills & preferences, as well as the old wounds that get triggered
• learn about each D.P. type & their antidotes
EXP of buttons: Being accused wrongly, treated as unimportant or invisible, having your ideas or work usurped by someone else, talked to as if you’re stupid or incompetent, trying to control you…. 
ASK yourself :
• What emotional tornado does this D.P. set off in me? (terror, rage, desperation….)
• What do I do in reaction? (fight, isolate, rat on them…..)
• In general, how do others handle my carrying on or withdrawing?
• How does my D.P. deal with my reactions ? (be hurt, justify, make fun)
• Am I the difficult person triggering others to react badly?
• Do I just keep reacting to the D.P. in my life, OR am I diligently working to find better ways to manage myself & others?
👞 💼 👡 👜
Some TYPES
• Complainers : fearful, with little faith in themself or others, they assume the whole world is hostile. They’ll make a general complaint about something & then walk away without being specific. Nothing ever works out for them, & their constant discouragement can make others feel despairing too
VARIATION : Help-Rejecting ↗️
• Controllers / Dictators : they’re compulsive micro-managers, acting like they know best how to do – everything. They don’t want anyone to be different – it’s their way or the highway. They have a “pervasive pattern of grandiosity,” & can be vindictive when challenged
• Critics : they find fault with everything & everyone, but are not interested in solving problems or improve situations. They won’t lift a finger to help, but are the first to point one 
• Grenades : after a brief period of calm, the grenade explodes into unfocused ranting & raving about things that have nothing to do with present circumstances – but you never know when they’ll blow
• Know-it-alls: they’re very knowledgeable & competent, but give long monologues with detailed, arrogant arguments to bolster their opinions. Their goal is to eliminate any opposition by finding flaws or weaknesses that will discredit other points of view
• Liars : most people lie a little, sometimes. But compulsive liars embellish or make up reality even when it’s just not necessary. They think it’s the only way to protect their vulnerable under-belly. It insures that they’re unreliable, frustrating any kind of closeness.
NEXT: More Types #2
HEAL & GROW for ACoAs 