PREVIOUS: Resilience – Personality

SITE: 12 Easy Ways to Build Your Resilience at Work

 

1. CHARACTER
Review: Resilience is all about being able to get thru life’s difficulties & then bounce back – either to a previous level, if that was acceptable – or to an internal & external upgrade, if needed (Post-Traumatic Growth).

As listed in ‘Resiliency – Traits‘, healthy internal resources are a foundation for thriving – in general,  but especially needed in times of stress – to solve problems or just to stay afloat. They include:
creativity, confidence, courage, gratitude, humor, kindness, optimism, persistence & spirituality.

2. SELF-DIRECTEDNESS
In “Resilience – Personality“, this trait is identified as crucial to successfully managing all sorts of problems. It means the person is their own motivator, not pushed around by other people’s needs & wishes. It’s the opposite of co-dependence, which comes from violation of our deepest values causes guilt, shame & anxiety.

✅  Being self-directed is only about adults. By definition, children are directed by others, but healthy parents teach them to develop this quality, so they can eventually function both autonomously & inter-dependently with others. This eliminates the need for the compulsive, constant “Harm-Avoidance” of most ACoAs.

Naturally, appropriate harm-avoidance is part of being resilient – the wisdom of staying away from PPT that drain energy & have little or nothing to give back. At the same time resilient people (Rs) do not assume everyone & everything are potentially ‘dangerous’ to their well-being. They trust their own observations & intuition to distinguish safe from unsafe.

PREPARED : In order to already have self-directedness, Rs would have had to grow up with a consistent sense of efficacy – the actual experience of having an effect on their environment (not just in fantasy), starting with parents.  As children, it meant that —
✧ they never needed to be in charge of drunks, siblings, the depressed, a dying relative, all the chores….. since these were not part of their family system
✧ they were not left to their own devices to figure things out without guidance or supervision

As children, in a healthy family  —
• It would mean THEIR needs were heard & provided, whenever possible – instead of having to ignore & suppress them.
• It would mean they were listened to when unhappy (comforted & validated), had a legitimate need ($ for school), a problem to be solved (a school bully), a passionate desire (for karate or piano lessons)…. without being ignored, shamed or punished.

• It would mean they were allowed to gradually figure out their own natural way of thinking, feeling & doing things – with age-appropriate boundaries, but without being forced into a mold that didn’t fit
• It would mean that the adults paid attention & responded well when the child objected to how they were being treated, or pushed in a direction that ‘isn’t me’
• It would mean the children were supported in exploring their own interests, as well as encouraged to expand their talents & dreams a little beyond their comfort

Adults with some or all of these early benefits became their own motivator, instead of having to rely on everyone else to tell them what to be & do – “a strong sense of ownership over their fate”. Self-directedness means having a gut-knowledge of their choices & actions, empowered to be the best they can in the circumstances, & so never need to see themselves as victims.

Self-Regulation (re. Actions)
Being in the driver’s seat of their life, self-focused Rs are strongly motivated, with concentration & effort – in both planning & execution. Having an ‘Internal Locus of Control’ means the ability to act in their own long-term best interest, consistent with their principles & beliefs. This is especially true when trying to master a skill – hopefully one that interests them a great deal. It would require being goal-oriented, responsible, reliable & resourceful.

✧ They’re able to focus attention on small tasks or big goals, without obsessing about what others think or want – while also taking into account possible consequences to self & others.
✧ They do not take responsibility for things out of their control, but manage to cope using available resources.
✧They do accept responsibility for their own problems, without self-judgement or blaming others, so they can learn from any mistakes, & then continue toward their end-point.
♥️ And they evaluate their progress or achievements realistically, valuing & enjoying the fruits of their talent & labor.

NEXT: Resilience – individual #2