PREVIOUS: Set Goals to meet needs, #2a

QUOTE: “Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them.”
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

2. IMPLEMENTATION (cont.)

Acting on Goals: ACoAs try our best to survive without the right kind of information & training about what’s ‘normal’ – healthy & appropriate in general, & suitable for us personally. As unhealed wounded people – no matter how intelligent, educated & accomplished – we are inevitably governed by the cruel push of the PP & the desperate fearful / rebellious WIC.

To truly provide for ourselves in the best possible ways – we need to use of one of the many aspects of True Self —> being Self-motivated. It means doing positive things or stop doing negative ones because WE WANT to, because it suits who WE are! This seems impossible to ACoAs, but can definitely be changed. It will include correcting our CDs, connecting with & loving our Inner Child, mourning the deprivation of childhood needs, & re-feeling all the old pain we still hold in our body. We need to teach the WIC that we are allowed to take center stage in our own life!

Being our own self-motivator is about Self-Efficacy – a deep-seated, in our bones belief in our ability to complete tasks & reach goals. It includes:
— Seeing challenging problems as tasks to be mastered
— Developing a thorough interest in the activities we’re involved in
— Having a strong sense of commitment to our interests & activities, because it benefits ourself
— Recovering quickly from setbacks & disappointments

➕ Self-efficacy is developed, in part, from being efficacious growing up – allowed & encouraged to have age-appropriate effects on the people around us & on our environment. This means having some sense of control, which all children need.

➖ BUT – in a chaotic, narcissistic & abusive family we rarely if ever had any impact on others, no matter how hard we tried. This has left many ACoAs with the belief that we cannot & will never have an actual on our environment or other people.

So we don’t try, OR we try to be seen & heard but in unproductive / self-destructive ways, or we get started in the right direction but quit — just when we’re getting somewhere.  Most importantly we go to PPT (people, places & things) who cannot provide our needs because they don’t have the ability or willingness – which guarantee that we won’t get our needs met. This keeps us from providing for ourself whatever we can!  (MORE..)

GROWTH : Once we’re able to identify a legitimate goal, “Implementation Intention” is needed – which specifies the When, Where & How of our actions, spelling out in advance how we want to move forward. It’s a self-regulating strategy in the form of IF-THEN plans: “When situation X arises, I will perform response Y”, connecting an opportunity for reaching a goal with a specific behavior to guarantee success.

EXP: In one study, students with test anxiety were encouraged to increase their Goal Intention to perform well: “I will correctly solve as many test items as possible”, by adding the Implementation Intention: “And if I start a new test item, then I’ll tell myself – I can solve it”, in order to increase a sense of self-efficacy.

• Healthy, self-motivated people keep pursuing their goals, even when those are hard & take a long time to reach. They are prepared to deal with 4 stages : Getting started, Staying on track, Stop pursuing any goal or plan that isn’t working, & Preventing over-extending oneself. (MORE…..)
They improve the possibility of success because they:
— are internally allowed to do well
— plan & act in realistic ways
— take small steps, & get help when needed
— correct mistakes or lack of knowledge along the way
— try out different jobs / plans / styles…. to see what fits them best
— AND never, never give up  (MORE…..)

VISUALIZATIONS (Ben Yoskovitz)
1. Daily Visualization – an active process. These are made up of bite-sized short-term goals that can be pictured while eating, traveling, waiting on hold or on line…..

2. Long-Term Visualization – imagine big things you want to achieve that take time, careful planning & persistence. It’s harder because success seem so far off. But mix in a bit of Dreamer, Egotist, & Courageous parts to help you persevere, to sustain you while you wait for results

3. Constant Visualization. It isn’t something you do consciously, but will evolve over time by consistently doing #1 & 2. Visualizing is only the first step to success, not the last. People who don’t act on ideas/ hopes/wishes waste their lives away. Entrepreneurs & other successful types are the best combination of Dreamer & Doer.

NEXT: Goal to meet needs #3