PREVIOUS : Love Dealers, #1

SITE :  “Stealing Love – a desperate search for Connection”

AW = Autonomy worshipers, (in 5/25)
LB = Love Dealers
SC = Security Collectors
PG = Power Grabbers

2. LOVE DEALERS  (cont) = (pg. 159, “MM” by Goldberg & Lewis)

a. Rivers of Money // b.  Love Buyer

c.  Love SELLER
Def : A transactional relationship where actions are motivated by getting something in return – rather from genuine affection or emotional connection.

◆ Underlying issue : starts in early life, comes from a symbiotic relationship with one or both parents who are ‘love buyers’.They use lots of money to bribe the child to be compliant, sweet & considerate to the parents

◆ Payoff  : based on “supply & demand”, as long as love is in short supply, love-sellers will be in great demand. This is taken advantage by a wide variety of businesses, from brothels to travel agents, sales persons, show business, even some therapists & clergy.

◆ Cost : love relationships are suppose to be trade mostly in equal amounts & give freely, not a purchase.  L-sellers don’t offer love they don[t have to give, so as long as they’re only dealing with L-buyers, their only benefit is money. They’re not likely to get respect, consideration, or emotional connection. However, some L-sellers have the illusion that they’re loved for themself, not just for their money. EXP : They can end up love starved, & some will commit suicide (as in famous actors).  OR – ‘doting’ parents who over-give ‘things’ will find themself being ignored, resented, or put in a home by the L-buying children.

In this category : L-sellers can be overt, such as prostitutes OR more often are covert,  promising attribute of love such as affection, sex, devotion, endearments…. but can’t come thru in the long run. Eventually, what the L-buyer thought was freely given ends up costing a high price – loneliness, stress related illness, physical & emotional abuse….

d. L0ve STEALER
DEF: a romantic relationship that is considered secret or forbidden, who are already in a committed attachment with others.
OR  : to cause another person to fall in live with them (as in a narcissist’s love bombing). Implies that the love was pursued or taken is without the knowledge or consent of those affected.
OR – a situation where love is unrequited, denied or forcibly taken away from one or both parties involved.

◆ Underlying issue : they’re just as hungry for love & affection, but don’t feel they deserve it.

◆ Payoff : They try to eliminate the risk of rejection, without giving anything back. They seem to be generous (using other’s time, money, energy….) so are admired & respected, who rarely suspect their dishonesty.
By pretending to have a surplus of ‘love’ (co-dependent, rescuing, over-giving….) , they can deny their need & want for it from anyone. Avoiding situations that may lead to their great fear of rejection, love cannot be withheld from them.

◆ Cost : L-stealers pay a heavy price for the illusion of emotional safety. Being a withholder – the love they do need is unavailable. Others are never allowed to get too close, so they’re always in “love-starvation” mode.
EXP: resentful employees who feel “unloved”may become passive aggressive, waste time, or steal money from the company.
Eventually L-stealers get caught, since any relationship must necessarily be superficial & tenuous. People involved with L-Stealers are short-changed, the love they offer being demeaned & unvalued, rather than treasured.

In this category – Some people feel the need to steal love = from lack of money, for the thrill / & challenge, for revenge, from jealousy….. L-stealers try to gather attention by the contributions or work of others. They take what they do not own or haven’t earned – in exchange for affections they pretend not to need. EXP : taking credit for someone else’s work or generosity

The SANTA Syndrome
“Overly-generous” adults are actually controlling, wanting power & domination, in disguise.
Whereas ‘normal’ parents provide money because they love them, parents of potential Love Dealers give money instead of love, who are rigid & emotionally inhibited.
The child comes to confuse money with love, as if those were interchangeable.  Good behavior & perfect compliance is sometimes rewarded with signs of affection, sometimes with money, & are equated with loving the parents rather than being loved.
This leads to a deficiency of love, children who never feel accepted /wanted -unconditionally.

NEXT : MM =

PREVIOUS : Archetypes, #6

Posts :“Not enough love?“
“Fear is the absence of Love”

AW = Autonomy worshipers,
(in 5/25)
LD = Love Dealers
SC = Security Collectors
PG = Power Grabbers

2. LOVE DEALERS (pg. 159, “MM” by Goldberg & Lewis)

Love is like a Rorschach ink blot test – everyone sees it differently. Famous definitions :  ♥️ Love is heaven  (Sir Wanter Scot) ,  🖤 Love is blind   (Shakespeare), 💚  Love is bitter  (Conrad Aiken).
BEST : 💛  “Love is what we choose” (UK poet laureate John Masefield).

Less romantic but just as important is that many people equate money with love, or as its symbol. Others act as though love is a commodity which can be bought & sold. 

💘 a. RIVERs of $$
In any family, even in less affluent ones – young children regularly observe a parent reaching into a purse or pocket to pay for food or some other necessity. Money may also be available as exchange-for- pleasure, like for a toy or treat. It seems to be an endless magical stream, providing needs & desires, without having to do anything to earn it.

As the child comes to associate money with pleasure, many parents will use it as reward or punishment – a way to control & manipulate the child into obeying family rules & forge desired behavior patterns. No matter how unrealistic genuine affection is in unhealthy families, this leads to a deeper connection in the child’s mind – that money equals love.

In any case, when the parent curbs this money flow – whether because of a cash shortage, or the child’s request is unacceptable, or the timing is not right (“that’s for after school”….),  the child experiences this as a personal rejection, a withdrawal of love!
EXP : if a child is refused a dollar for some candy, they may beg first but when still getting a no, may scream :” You don’t love me anymore!”

How a child realizes that money is a limited supply for them, and the relative value of spending vs saving – will set the tone for their future emotional reactions to money.
Ideally, with genuine love from family – regardless of income -children will learn that giving or withholding money can be a loving act but that love itself cannot be bought or sold.
☁︎ Love Dealers did not have this experience.

💝 b. Love BUYERs (LB)
Most people who are hungry for love truly feel unlovable in any circumstance. Because we cannot eliminate such basic need ! starving people who feel unworthy will try to buy love, unwilling to just ‘be liked”.  They’ll try to buy attention & admiration by trying to be the ‘nice guy/ gal’ to avoid being rejected, but it never fills the  gaping emotional hole.

Some even try to buy God’s love. Making large contributions to religious groups, building funds, missionary projects…. the  hoped win God’s favour & protection.

◆ Underlying issue – Because LB never experiences being loved enough to avoid their deep feeling of worthlessness & rejection, LB are not able to love others – using money as a substitute.

Underneath – they’re filled with resentment but afraid to own it, expressing it instead as passive-aggressiveness. They may feel guilty for ‘letting’ others love them, so – to even the score they people-please & act generous.

◆ Payoff – Having enough money may put off the LB feelings of anxiety & depression – instead of dealing with underlying causes (PMES abandonment & self-hate.)
By over-doing & over-paying (big tippers….) they expect the recipient of their largesse to provide undying loyalty & devotion !
LB who spread money around are seldom alone – there’s always someone who will do anything for them – except love them.

◆ Cost – No one can buy love, so LB get what they pay for – a substitute, but will settle for fake-caring. Grabbing anything that glitters on the surface yet has no substance – leaves them constantly ‘hungry’.  This desperation for acceptance & affection make them vulnerable to manipulation & scams.
And if they feel someone they ‘need’ is pulling away – they’ll throw more money at them.

LB can alienate family & friends – being too quick to pay for things & over-doing with expensive gifts. It leaves healthier people feeling like they’re being bought or constantly indebted – even thought this is not what the LB intends.

NEXT : Love Dealers, #2

PREVIOUS : MM – Archetypes (#5)

SITE :  Sacred Money Archetypes® Quiz

✥ INVESTOR
These are the strategists of the financial world – always thinking about how to grow their wealth. Investors understand their financial situation very well & love to make their money work for them. They’re willing to take calculated risks for the potential of higher returns,  continuing to stay informed about market trends.

The Anxious ones, extremely common among affluent investors, they love risk, believe they have the edge over others. They trade frequently, from an action-bias, which is the tendency to want to do things instead of waiting.  Despite their over-confidence, they are prone to be beaten by the markets & frequent trades mean they often rack up high levels of charges.

Evensky, chairman of Evensky & Katz, says that hobby or day traders typically exhibit an extreme level of overconfidence, who often buy high & sell low, being more comfortable with risk when things are good, & remove risk when times feel bad

But generally they tend to get things wrong,  underperforming the buy-&-hold investor by 1.5 – 2 % a year. And many have absolutely no idea what their returns actually were & only remember their good decisions.
A 2011 study at theU of CA found “most traders underperform standard investment benchmarks because of going by instinctively rather than strategically, repeating past behaviors that gave pleasure while avoiding any that had caused pain”.

Advice : Have a plan, use stop losses, have rules on when & how to rebalance your portfolio. Use some of your saved money to pay a financial planner to help structure your long-term financial goals.

✥ WARRIOR
The Warrior sets out to conquer the money world & is generally considered as successful in the business & financial worlds. They’re re in control, focused, decisive, & skilled adept investors. Although Warriors will listen to advisors, they make their own decisions, relying on their instincts & resources to guide them.

The world is filled with this types, those who run the gamut from enjoying the sport of business & the skillful art of negotiating to those whose single-minded intent is simply to win at any cost.

They can have trouble recognizing the difference between what they consider an adversary vs. a worthy opponent. Worthy opponents are most easily recognized as the person they’re most in conflict with.  See the lesson of Truth this person has to teach,  even indirectly as conflict, their presence is worthy of our attention.

When they recognize the conflict as an opportunity for growth, the “opponent” has served them.  Taking a step back to put down their ego-sword, they’ll be appreciate the potential for growth & transformation which is being offered in disguise.

✥ TYRANT 
This type hoards money, using it to manipulate both people & finances.  They control people, events, & circumstances – for its own sake – & will abandon others if necessary to gain more power. 

They’re over-developed Warriors, highly invested in their need to dominate. But while Warriors are often heroic in their true concern for others’ welfare, Tyrants are purely self interested. They may have everything they need or desire, but never feel complete, comfortable, or at peace. Their greatest fear is loss of control.

Throughout history, the Tyrant has emerged as the ruler who dominates and destroys with no sign of remorse.
Today Tyrants are the political leaders, businesspeople, or family figureheads who use whatever means necessary to win at all costs.  Since they often represent the most financially successful image we have in our society, many people believe that money is the “root of all evil” *(see #2)

Tyrants are not necessarily as rich as they seem. Yes, they may have everything money can buy (often including beautiful people) & never have to worry about paying the phone bill, they lack many things that money cannot buy.  In spite of their apparent success, they’re often very fearful & rarely feel any sense of fulfillment. The Tyrant suffers from a condition we might call “chronic-not-enoughness.”

NEXT : MM – Gender Differences, #1

PREVIOUS : Archetypes (#4)

SITE : “8 SACRED Money Archetypes”

✥ MARTYR
Martyrs are so busy taking care of others’ needs that they often neglect their own. Financially speaking, Martyrs generally do more for others than they do for themself – rescuing others (a child, spouse, friend, partner) from some circumstance or other.
However, they don’t give freely, wanting to be appreciated & loved as a payoff. This means they’re repeatedly let down when others don’t meet their expectations – not being mind readers. 

They live in a double bind between two opposite energies which is financially confusing to themself & others : one that wants to be in control & to control others <——> and the other to stay the wounded, often very needy, child.

Martyrs have formed an unconscious attachment to their own suffering. Like Victims, Martyrs often live in high drama, experience a lot of highs & lows, struggling with their attachment to negative experience. They see the glass as half empty instead of half full.   Their focus on the negative often keeps them from realizing the deep wisdom that lies within their experience

However, they don’t give freely, wanting to be appreciated & loved as a payoff. This means they’re repeatedly let down when others don’t meet their expectations – not being mindreaders.  which actually can make them quite capable of realizing their dreams  – because they put so much energy into needing to be right.l. 

Martyrs who are willing to do their own work to heal their woundedness have the capacity to become gifted & and powerful manifestor — money Magicians

✥ VICTIM
Victims are prone to living in the past & blaming their financial woes on external factors. Passive-aggressive style (acting out their angry feelings in passive ways rather than through direct action) they often appear disguised as Innocents, because they seem so powerless & appear to want others to take care of them.
However, this attitude is often either a conscious or subconscious ploy to get others to do for them what they refuse to do for themselves. Victims generally have a litany of excuses for why they’re not more successful, all based on their historical mythology.

That is not to say that bad things haven’t actually happened to the Victim. More often than not, they have been abused, betrayed, or have suffered some great loss. The problem is that they have never faced & processed their pain, so it’s turned on them. Victims are always looking for someone to rescue them, because they believe they have suffered enough. They carry a sense of entitlement: “I paid my dues, look at my battle scars, when do I get a payoff for all my suffering”?

✥ ** FITBIT Checker
They constantly look at their online bank balance & track spending  – as often as someone training for an extreme sporting event , including their calorie intake, resting heart rate & sleep quality.

They obsess over credit card points, probably like to use comparison sites & download apps that track their budget or remind them when to re-mortgage. Fitbit Checkers want/ need control who find it hard to deal with the unpredictability of life can become super-organized about money.

 Prof Beattie: “Some people get very emotionally attached to this behavior. They think they’ve gained intimate knowledge that their neighbor doesn’t have. Having ‘solved’ the mysteries of the financial universe, they can  share it & will be admired.”

Ms Hammond has found some people with an obsession with their money have corresponding eating disorders. Both behaviors can stem from a similar belief – that taking control of something tangible like money or food can substitute for meaningful control of one’s life.
The real trigger could be anxiety about bigger personal changes, such as a major loss, fear of being fired, or children leaving the nest. Some just find it hard to deal with the unpredictability of life, & want to control any aspect they can.”
** Fitbit = a wearable device that tracks your activity & fitness.

NEXT :  Archetypes (#6)

PREVIOUS : Archetypes – #3

SITE : At The Well+Good Podcast — Listen to the full episode  re. archetypes

REMINDER : See list of all types in Part 1

✥ MONEY-MAKER 
Their top priority in life is making money. They believe that life gets better the more money they make, because money is so important to them, & they take risks to win bigger. Even so, their ability to save is good & get pleasure from the approval & recognition from other people for their financial efforts & successes.

Compulsive Moneymakers are usually on a strong path to achieving financial freedom, but can enter dangerous territory if they start neglecting important relationships , choosing to work on weekends over spending time with loved ones). Being so focused on making money, they miss out on shorter-term fun & later regret not having a more balanced approach to their life.

✥ SAVER
A bit like the money-maker, the compulsive savers see money as a source of personal security & financial stability. They’re afraid of the dangers of impulsive spending, or spending money for pleasure, so they’re expert at hunting down bargains, & pride themself on being very ‘careful”. This makes them excellent savers, but may be saving at the expense of enjoying life.

Savers are the polar opposite of Big Spenders. They’re the budgeting champions, always looking for ways to cut costs & save a little more. Content with what they have they’d rather watch their bank balance grow, being conservative investors, opting for security over high returns.

✥ HOADER  (SAVER Variation)
For this type, money also represents security – they live by the mantra, “save, save, save! . They are terrified of risk & stockpile cash which would probably be better investing – or even spending it.  EXP :  a 94 yr. old man still saving half of his pension.

Money hoarders tend to avoid spending money on gifts, entertainment, or activities that allow them & their loved ones to live a full life, which can cause resentment & tension in relationships.
Statistics suggest that about 1/3 of people who have made withdrawals have simply put the money in savings accounts, even though interest rates are at record lows & their actions could have triggered a tax penalty.

“If you were raised in a family where money was tight, you probably need to feel a lot of security.” These  people may cash in their pensions from fear that the value will drop if they don’t take it out of the market. Everyone needs a rainy day fund, but cash is not a suitable long-term investment  – even more so at a time of rising inflation.” says Claudia Hammond, a psychology lecturer & author of the book “Mind Over Money”.

✥ GAMBLER  “Fortune favors the brave, right?”
There are 3 main styles :  Casual – gambling regularly or on occasion for fun,  Professional – gambling for a living (poker masters), Compulsive – gambling addiction, those who can’t stop. (More….)

Overview:  this Financial type is an interesting mix of Money-maker & Compulsive spender, eager to make a lot of money quickly, who believe that taking big risks produce big rewards.  They get a real buzz from the risks that pay off, & feel very depressed when losing. The promise of reward is a pleasure in itself they can quickly get lost in. But sometimes they cant gamble away their money just to escaping boredom.

It’s not unusual for Gamblers to encounter sudden windfalls or devastating losses.  In an extreme case, if their gambling gets out of control they may dip into retirement saving, their children’s college fund …. Saving isn’t really on their agenda — they’re all about making as much money as possible, thriving on the high.
Advice : It would be better to split their money up to have a pot they’re willing to risk & a pot that they’re not. A healthy goal is to become emotionally introspective & practically restrictive about financial risks, to gain balance & security instead of chasing excitement.

NEXT : Archetypes. #5

PREVIOUS : MM – Archetypes,  #2

IMAGES  ⬆️

✥ SPENDER   –  “Because life is for the living!
Compulsive (big) Spenders are prone to extremes in all areas of life, such as going through phases of intense exercise followed by periods of inactivity & lethargy.  Buying is about personal enjoyment as well as making a statement to others. They’re all about the finer things in life – usually the first to try new trends, travel to new places, and indulge in life’s pleasures. They have a taste for luxury, the latest tech, designer clothes…..

They’ll often over-spend on unnecessary things to make themself feel good, especially when stressed. Then they’ll feel guilty for spending so much – making a big point of  justify splurges to themself & others – ” I’m just taking a break from the stress from work / family obligations…”.  But it can make them vulnerable to sales pitches – lists of services & offers that encourage the adrenalin high, but the rush after purchases is fleeting.

They’re comfortable with debt, & and often take bold investments risks.  Not afraid to use money to enhance their lifestyle, they often prioritizing immediate gratification over long-term savings. They say they do want to save & be able to control over-spending, but don’t know where or how to start.

✥ SOCIAL VALUE Spender (variation)
They are the type who feel very happy by shopping – maybe getting a hit of enjoyment from looking at things in a shop, or handing over your card. But spending & buying too much could subconsciously be using money as a proxy for love & affection

It boosts their self-esteem – like when wearing something new for the first time, & people say it looks nice. They may think they’ll be more accepted in a group if you own the right things. Women are more likely to spend on clothes, but men will try to enhance their  own sense of value with a single status symbol, like an expensive car.

Or over-give, to feel loved by blowing the budget for holiday giving, & buying loved ones presents “just because”…. which can easily put them in debt.  At its most extreme, this pattern can resemble alcoholism. Some even have bags of new clothes hidden all over the house so their loved ones cannot see them, the way problem drinkers stash empty bottles.

✥ Cash Splasher  (variation)
They see themselves as generous, but use money to make others think more highly of them.  A close cousin of the social value spender, Splashers are more likely to be males who tends to spend on others very visibly, motivated by a need to be admired. The implication is that “Having a lot of cash makes me popular & I can be loved”
EXP : He’ll declare at the beginning of a restaurant meal that he’s going to cover the bill. Then it’s all about him & how generous he is – entirely different from paying for something quietly.

✥ WORRIER
Financial security is paramount from a fear-based relationship with money, a scarcity mindset that can lead to excessive anxiety about financial stability.

The compulsion to save goes beyond having a solid emergency fund & retirement account. At some point, holding tightly to their money may have kept themself or their family safe, but they continue hoarding long after circumstances have changed.

They have trouble differentiate levels of financial threat, struggling with what it means to have & spend money, so end up keeping their savings under the mattress (literally!).
EXP : buying ice cream feels as stressful as paying for a new roof

They excel at saving money, planning ahead, & working toward a debt-free life. But this financial anxiety makes it hard to enjoy daily life. There’s a strong emphasis on preparing for worst-case scenarios, but it comes at a high cost. While preparing for worst-case scenarios isn’t inherently foolish, it’s important to find a balance.

VARIATIONS : ◆  Doomsday Prepper
◆ Guardian  – Safety is their highest priority, with the intention of being careful, alert & prudent. But when worry gets the best of them, the anxiety can become intolerable, & to the point they may worry that catastrophe is imminent.

NEXT : MM – Archetypes, #4

PREVIOUS : Archetypes, #1

SITE : alvinapp.com – a money buddy that recognizes your spending & saving habits

✥ INDIFFERENT -to-Money
This type is the person who feel they doesn’t care about money & rarely think about it, because they feel it’s not important – or it’s too overwhelming. They avoid managing their money & obligations, don’t pay attention to money in or out, relying on others for financial decisions (just the idea of creating a budget makes them nauseous).

They act Blissfully Ignorant, uncomfortable about or avoidant in dealing with money. Their philosophy is that money will sort itself out –  deeply believing “I don’t deserve money when others have less than me, or It’s selfish to want more money than just enough to get by.” They can be charitable, & are good candidates for automating savings & investing.

They think it’s rude to talk about it, feel strongly that money shouldn’t influence important decisions in their life, think that anyone who makes a lot of money are greedy, & in extreme cases believe money is inherently evil. Even so, they can easily be financially unstable, having a hard time meeting their bills, & depend on a partner or spouse to handle finances for them.

✥ INNOCENT  (an INDIFFERENT variation)
They takes the ostrich approach to money matters – often living in denial, burying their heads in the sand so they won’t have to see what is going on around them. They’re easily overwhelmed by financial information & rely heavily on the advice & opinions of others.

Innocents are perhaps the most trusting of all the money archetypes because they do not see people or situations for what they are. They’re like small children in the sense that they have not yet learned to judge or discern other’s motives or behavior. While this trait can be very endearing, it is also precarious for an adult trying to cope in the real world.

✥ OSTRICH – (another variation)
Anxiety drives this behavior too – making no decision always feels easier than the possibility of making the wrong decision.  This is someone who would rather bury their head in the sand than organize their finances. Piles of mail lie unopened on the doormat, & seldom open their bank statements.

Older birds may have money, but consistently fail to make long-term investment decisions.  A more sophisticated version is the wealthy investor who hands their finances to an adviser / manager but never checks what’s being done with the money, or the investment charges eating into their returns.

Mr Evensky states : “At one level, you have the client who walks in with brown bags full of papers & statements but don’t understand what they mean. More commonly, there are those who have a single account with a brokerage firm but just have no idea about what it is being invested in, or why.” 

NEXT : MM – Archetypes, #3

PREVIOUS : MM  – DEBT

BOOK:  “Happy Money: The Japanese Art of Making Peace with Your Money”

Money ARCHETYPES are innate patterns that influence your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, & actions about money.  These unconscious forces create success or sabotage, & can impact your income & life on so many levels.

Many writers have tried to distinguish between “money types”. There is even an online magazine (http://womenmoneyandsuccessmag.com/), &  literature on money in relationships, as money can be a major cause of friction because of what it represents. 

✥ MAGICIAN
This is the ideal money type. They embrace the inner life as the place of spiritual wealth and the outer life as the expression of enlightenment in the material world & so are infinitely connected. Using new & ever-changing dynamics both in the material world & world of the Spirit, Magicians know how to transform and manifest their own financial reality.

The Magician is fully awake & aware of themself & the world around them. They’re armed with the knowledge of the past, made peace with their personal history, & understands that their source of power exists within in his ability to see and live the truth of who he is.
Magicians know the source of power comes from their ability to tap into their Higher Power. With faith, love & patience, they simply wait in certainty,  knowing that all our needs are met all the time.

They are confident about managing money, strongly believing in their ability to create wealth through various ventures or creative endeavors. Finding innovative ways to generate abundance, they often have multiple streams of income & can adapt quickly to changing economic landscapes.

The archetype currently active in our life is the place we need to grow from – by becoming aware of the thoughts & actions that prevent us from having a positive relationship with money. When we’re willing to claim our own power, we can be the Magician.  

✥ ARTIST / CREATOR
NEGATIVE :  This type is on a spiritual or artistic path, but many of them feel that money is bad or not spiritual (‘the root all evil….:‘). They often find it hard living in the material world, with a conflicted love/hate relationship with money. They love it for the freedom it buys, but have little or no desire to actually participate in it practically.

They most fear not being true to themself, over-identifying with their inner feelings, even despising those who live in the ‘real’ world. Their negative beliefs about commercialism block the very freedom they so desire. So they constantly struggle with financial survival – not for lack talent or ambition, but because they’re stuck in a mind set that keeps them from manifest money.

POSITIVE: Creators/Artists who work to integrate the spiritual with the material reality can end their struggles. Since they spend much of their time paying attention to their inner journeys & creative potential, they already have many of the qualities to become Magicians. They need to accept the world they lives in, embracing it in all its dimensions.

✥ CONNECTOR
They keep the world spinning and bring everyone together with kindness and love.   The most important thing to this type is connecting with others, so they use money to form & maintain their community.  They’re the  sometimes-counselor, cheerleader, & problem solver who freely gives away their ideas & advice.
They struggles to charge ANYONE because everyone they meet becomes their new best friend. Of course this makes them sitting ducks for co-dependent users who take advantage. Learning to have boundaries become an imperative survival skill.

However, their ability to bring people & solutions together is the key to their business, but resist it & worry about being inauthentic. They care more about heart-to-heart interactions than about making money, but creating long-term relationships can actually generate income.

Ironically, their faith & optimism that money will always be available keep them from worrying about it. They could live off heart-shaped mung beans & probably find someone to share it with. They tell themselves it will work out, & it often does, magically at the last minute, having found that connections such as networking can benefit them financially.

NEXT: Archetypes , #2

PREVIOUS : MM – Debt & Mental Health

STAGES of Financial Prosperity

♦️ SURVIVAL = People in this mode :
☔︎ Carry balances on their credit cards
☔︎ Face threats of collections & service shut-down
☔︎ Feel regret & remorse (shame) about past financial decisions
☔︎ Feel powerless to & resigned about catching up
☔︎ Owe back taxes / credit cards….
☔︎ Obsess, yet avoid dealing with their money
☔︎ Spend a lot of energy moving money around (“$F Coach”)

♦️ Stability = At this level it’s not having to worry about paying bills because you know you’ll have the money. Being debt-free with savings for future goals, including enough to cover emergencies (60%) . The other 40% of Americans struggle to cover basic needs.
You  have :
💚 enough understanding of monthly / annual earning & spending
💚 insurance: health, home, car, life, long-term care
💚 6 months of living expenses in safety net savings account
💚 regular contributions to retirement  (Chart)

Traps to Avoid :
☁︎ tunnel vision, only focusing on monthly payments
☁︎ ignore building an emergency fund. Make sure your deductibles are covered.
Indicators of Success :
♥︎ develop the habit of saving money, & eradicate credit card debt
♥︎ don’t be afraid to cut back, consolidate expenses, & be savvy about how you spend. Even if starting small, these habits will take you to the next level & give peace of mind.

♦️ STRATEGY = Only 16% of Americans save more than 15% of their income each year.  Plan beyond simple cash reserves – make sure your money is working for you with investment like Roth IRAs & 401(K)s.
Traps to Avoid – NOT:
☁︎ have saving of at least 15% of your income
☁︎ regularly saving for retirement – consider where your money is housed & take advantage of compounding interest
Indicators of Success :
♥︎ saving 20-25% toward your future goals
♥︎ automating your financial life as much as possible
♥︎ tracking your net worth each year.

♦️ FREEDOM = enough positive cash flow to generate passive income to sustain your current lifestyle.
It’s living within your means, ensuring money is spent on things you need (food, shelter, vacations, or relaxation). Not about being rich – the focus is on having enough residual income to spend precious time doing what you love.
Traps to Avoid :
☁︎ about retiring – be honest about the “why” behind your work/career, & know what you’re retiring to
☁︎ don’t assume your retirement savings are enough to support the lifestyle you picture. Make sure your math is right.
Indicators of Success – YOU :
♥︎ know your “army of dollar bills” has worked hard enough to cover cash flow needs
♥︎ can live the American dream of being your own boss with more flexibility
♥︎ should have a net worth double the number in the formula (age x income / 10)  from The Millionaire Next Door formula

♦️ SECURITY  – enough investments or assets to generate passive income to cover basic expenses. It’s challenging  – besides making a thorough plan, you must also be persistent until you achieve  it.
Traps to Avoid:
☁︎ overindulging, causing you to slip into financial problems, & takes the novelty out of special purchases
☁︎ watch out for lifestyle creep, & not living within your means Indicators of Success :
♥︎ able to spend money on small, unnecessary expenses without worrying, like Starbucks most mornings
♥︎ realize you have margin for some of your bucket list items

♦️ WEALTH = an abundance of valuable possessions or money
YOU :
💚 ensure that everyone in your family, across generations, is on the same page. Re. family money, you have some personal finance accounting skills, OR
💚 hand over taxes to a strategist or beloved/ successful CPA
💚 have a will, a living will & a medical power of attorney
💚 hire a certified financial planner, work with an investment advisor
💚 know the details of your entire estate, including inheritance
💚 strategize for periodic income: bonuses, commission, gifts, reimbursements & tax refunds
💚 understand your parents’ wills & are clear about their end-of-life wishes

♦️ AFFLUENCE = leveraging ones wealth, using money to grow more.
You have access to services, savings, investments, tax & business loopholes, & outright wealth accumulation that other people don’t.  AND you have an extraordinary opportunity & responsibility to channel this flow of energy for good.

The danger is excess – unhealthy or unconscious relationship with money from outsourcing, overdoing & overwhelm.
Some pitfall :
☁︎ entitlement that harms personal & professional relationships
☁︎ loss of contact with simple, natural, connected & meaningful experiences
☁︎ severe loneliness, not part of ‘normal people’, isolation
☁︎ too much stuff, too many houses….. that can’t be used

NEXT : MM – Archetypes, #1

PREVIOUS : MM – Love Dealers

SITE : “Money and Mental Health Professional Network“, UK

DEBT & MASLOW’s Pyramid  –

DEBT flips the hierarchy upside-down. When you introduce debt, things get ugly. People often live beyond their means because theyre looking to satisfy one of their higher needs. The engine of their financial life, their ability to earn, hasn’t increased but they’ve already borrowed against their future self.

People often live beyond their means because they are looking to satisfy one of their higher needs. The engine of their financial life, their ability to earn, hasn’t increased but they’ve already borrowed against their future self.  

We all want prestige, whether we admit it or not. ( buy a $15,000 handbag), but If you put that purchase on a credit card (and carry a balance), it becomes a big financial problem.

Functionally, debt allows you to borrow money from your future self. But your future self doesn’t get interest payments, he or she just gets to use whatever you’re buying a little bit earlier.

HOWEVER – When you use it for an investment in your earning potential, like education, you borrow against the future but you also increase your earning potential. In that situation, debt can be a valuable tool.

Mental health & money problems are intricately linked
UK STUDY – Our research shows that in England alone over 1.5 million people are experiencing both problem debt and mental health problems.
Common symptoms like memory problems, difficulties concentrating & impaired problem-solving often lead to financial difficulty, which can also make it harder to successfully access & use debt advice. (Providers guidelines)

Financial difficulty affects mental health
Money troubles are stressful, often causing anxiety & drastically reduce recovery rates for common mental health conditions.
EXP : People with depression along with PD are 4.2x more likely to still have depression 18 months after the survey

☁ People with problem debt (PD) are significantly more likely to experience mental health problems (MHP)
— Half (46%) of people in PD also have a MHP
— 86% of respondents to a ‘Money and Mental Health’ survey of nearly 5,500 people – with MHP – said that their financial situation had made their money problems worse
AND
☁ People with MHP are also more likely to have PD , almost 1-in -5 (18%)  & 3.5x more likely than people without MHP (5%).

— 72% of respondents to the “Money and Mental Health” survey said that their MHP had made their financial situation worse.

☁ People with problem debt
— are 3x more likely to have thought about suicide in the past year. Because of severe debt more than 100,000 people in England attempt suicide each year.  However, there is rarely only a single factor – rather, a range of social issues, life events, cognitive & personality factors are combined.

♢YOUNG – 63% of 18-34 year olds are anxious about their finances, & younger people with MHP are more likely to report feeling anxious about their financial situation. 

♢ MIDDLE – in contrast : 54% of 35-54 year olds, and 44% aged 55-65 have both issues

 ♢ OLDER people with MHP tend to be more reticent to disclose their condition to essential services providers – & so are missing out on extra support.

Stigma around debt can mean that people struggle to ask for help & can become isolated. The impact on people’s mental health can be particularly severe if they resort to cutting back on essentials, such as heating & food, or if creditors are aggressive or insensitive when collecting debts. 

☁ Ethnic MINORITIES  — The combination of having a MHP & being from a minority group can present increased barriers to having a good income, & therefore good financial health. They are significantly more likely to live in a household that is behind on bills .

UK : This ranges from 9% of White people <———> to 33% of Black, Black British, Caribbean or African people. Minorities can also face barriers to accessing support for their mental & financial health, & in some cases experience worse outcomes – than White counterparts – when they do receive help.
SITE : US -” Causes of Disproportionate Poverty among Ethnic Minorities”

NEXT : MM – Archetypes #1