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SITE: The Cost of a Lie

 

SELF -REGULATION means to monitor & control one’s thoughts, emotions & actions, according to personal standards & goals.  Competitiveness, moral identity, & guilt-proneness affect the interpretation of a situation, & therefore a person’s willingness to modify their behavior, based on their values. What effect self-control has on lying depends on the :
1) easiness to make use of the opportunity to lie
2) amount of time available to decide to lie.

WHY it’s HARD to spot a lie
🔸 Parental influence
They teach us to not identify their lies. Hiding their misbehavior, family scandals & shame, illegal activities, or the need for sexual privacy – can be reasons for misleading children about what they’re doing, when they’re doing it & why. So we learn to deny or ignore our perceptions..

🔸 They remind us of ourselves
Social psychology tells us that people define themselves in terms of social groupings. Similarities make us feel comfortable. The ones we feel a part of are considered the In-group, & any that exclude us is an Out-group (us vs. them). And we disbelieve people who act ‘inappropriately’ according to how we would act & by our group’s standards.

We assume we know what In-group people are like – they’re good, just like us!  So we’re much more likely to trust the deceivers we have a lot in common with – regardless of how little they may deserve it.
EXP : It can be hard to accept that a trusted colleague in business is doing something underhanded, so we believe their lies until they become undeniable, but by then the damage is done.

🔸 We want to be misled
We’d rather not ‘out’ liars, because we have a stake in not knowing unpleasant truths. Being trusting rather than suspicious generally enriches life, in spite of possible consequences & costs. To always be cynical & assume the worst of others is not only hard on the doubter, but undermines their chance of developing & maintain intimacy in mating, friendships & work relationships

🔸 Social Manners
We’re brought up to be polite in all interactions – to not be too direct, not ask sensitive question & not try to get personal information by manipulation. Giving the false message (“I’m fine”) is often more socially advantageous than the truth (“I’m miserable”). 

Also, when it comes to detecting liars, we’re socialized to focus on the wrong thing . EXP : people who are physically attractive or of high social status are assumed to be ‘good’ – we automatically assign favorable traits to them, believing them to be more likable, competent, & honest than unattractive or lower status persons. 

🔸 Truth Bias
This term refers to the fact that we assume most of what we say to each other is truthful. Research indicates that people find it easier  to judge a statement as true rather than false.  Lying, though universal, & done to some degree, but still considered the aberration. Beyond the truth bias, calling or labeling someone a liar is serious business – even when absolutely accurate – & can get the accuser fired, attacked or even killed.

NOTE : Unfortunately, many adults (especially family) are unwilling to believe a child who reports being sexually assaulted by another adult, assuming they must be lying. Yet there are many examples of mothers who instead will accept the lies told by boyfriends, husbands & siblings rather than believing the victim.

🔸 Lacking Facts
Over a lifetime, we rarely deal with pathological liars, so if we’re unfortunate enough to encounter one, we’ll be hampered & overwhelmed by a high base rate of inadequate info. In that case, the base rate of lying is more than 75% (“percentage of a population that has a characteristic being measured”), making it harder to be alert to the subtle clues of deceit.
EXP: all the highly skilled phone & internet scammers who are believed.

🔸Misreading Body Language
We’re encouraged by folk-wisdom to focus on signs of nervousness or anxiety as proof of dishonesty. These are measured by increased heart rate, respiration & blood pressure, the basis of polygraph testing. Actually, research shows that these signs may indicate emotional anxiety, not necessarily of lying.

NEXT : Psychology of Lying