PREVIOUS: 

SITE : What causes stress?  (lists)

REVIEW  = Executive function & (S-R) self-regulation skills depend on 3 types of brain function: working memory, mental flexibility & self-control.
Because they are highly interrelated, successful ability to self-reg requires them to fully work together.
☀︎The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex is the processor
☀︎ The anterior cingulate cortex is about emotional drive & integration
☀︎The orbitofrontal cortex is key for monitoring ongoing appropriate social behaviors

When these functions are not working properly, several critical skills – for effectively managing our daily lives – will show signs of impairment . Stress impacts underlying neuro-biological processes of self-regulation as well as cognitive, emotional & behavioral aspects of S-R.

♥︎ ACUTE stress involves the body’s stress system activated for a short time in response to a temporary stimulus. Although such stress can have lasting biological or behavioral effects if severe enough, the ‘human stress response system’ is generally well-equipped to manage.
♥︎ CHRONIC stress – where body’s stress system is activated very frequently, or for a prolonged period, or in response to
persistent stimuli —- will definitely have detrimental effects on the brain & behavior. Being continually upset makes it harder to regulate actions & thinking.
♥︎ TOXIC stress response – when a child experiences strong, frequent &/or prolonged adversity that overwhelms their skills or support.  This includes physical & emotional abuse, chronic neglect, caregiver substance abuse or mental illness, exposure to violence, and/or the accumulated burdens of family economic hardship.
Trauma can either be acute (natural disaster, robbery….) or chronic (child mistreatment). Also, the after-math of acute trauma (sustained homelessness, disruption of social networks after a natural disaster….) can create chronic stress when long-lasting. (from OPRE, Duke U.)

Self-Reg WEAKNESS
At any given time our ability to self-regulate is limited. You try your best to be on an even keel to get things done, but lots of life events can reduce the amount of self-regulation energy available. The 6 main things that can shrink our supply :

♦︎ Behavior of other people : if you let yourself be drawn in to their agenda or excitement – it can act as a temptation to ‘leave’ yourself, decreasing your self-regulation. EXP : Hearing someone going shopping or on a trip, it’s easy to start thinking about doing that yourself

♦︎ Overdoing one of the areas of self-regulation : if you have to (over)control your body & actions for long periods of time, your thinking & emotional self-regulation will temporarily be weakened or worn down

♦︎ Negative mood – if you’re feeling low, frustrated, grouchy…. it means your supply of self-regulation is low. You might think “Everything else has gone wrong today so I’m not even going to try ___.” But the more you try to control your mood, the worse it seems to get

♦︎ Stress – Physical effects ➡️ CHART

♦︎ Temptations – if you let something delicious, beautiful or fun grab your attention away from a desired goal or important  activity, self-regulation can go out the window.
Also, when self-control is impaired (alcohol consumption or effort depletion), when overwhelmed by immediate external temptations or internal impulses, or when minor indulgences snowball into full blown addictions….

♦︎ Tiredness – if you’re unrested, self-regulation is weakened. making it harder to effectively use your executive functions. You might feel, “(groan) I just can’t make myself do it right now.”

PREVIOUS : Executive Functions (# 1)

SITE : “Executive Dysfunction Workbook”

MORE Executive Functions SKILLS

❣️ Planning & Problem Solving : how we mentally play with information to form new ways of doing something. And, taking things apart & re-combining them in various ways, we find solutions to problems. Planning for future events requires estimation & forethought – setting a goal & forming a strategy to reach it.

❣️Self-contol
This is about stopping to think before acting, in order to make the best verbal or behavioral choice in stressful moments. That involves “hitting the pause button” to calm down when emotions run high, in order to consider our options & make a good choice for present & future outcomes

❣️ Self-motivation : How well we can motivate ourself start a task without procrastinating, & the willingness to complete a task when there’s no real or immediate external consequence

❣️Task initiation
This means starting right away, rather than procrastinating, even when we’re not pleased with the task

❣️Time management
It’s about using time well then working on something – being able prioritize tasks, to correctly estimate how long something will take, & use the time efficiently

❣️ Verbal Working Memory :  the ability to use self-talk / “inner monologues” to monitor & regulate our behavior,  as well as direct future actions. It’s an important part of planning & problem-solving

❣️ Non-Verbal Working Memory : the ability to retain & manipulate distinct pieces of info over short periods of time, & hold info in memory while performing complex tasks.
Also, how well the brain can mentally picture things

Signs of Executive DYSFUNCTION
An executive function disorder impairs some of these skills, affecting a person’s ability to manage & organize themself to achieve goals. Although the DSM-5 does not recognize it as a specific mental health condition, it’s considered symptomatic of other neurological, mental health, & behavioral disorders.

☇ Attention – pay attention to minor details, but fail to see how these details fit into a bigger picture
☇ Emotional control – have poor impulse control & overall weak S-R (low self-esteem, mood swings or extremes)

☇ Flexibility – may be very stubborn, with rigid attitudes & thinking, & taking things too literally
☇ Organization – not able to pay attention or organize thoughts & actions – constantly losing or misplacing things

☇ Planning & Prioritizing – problems with complex thinking that requires holding more than one train of thought at the same time. May not know how to start a project, easily become overwhelmed
☇ Task Initiation – are habitual procrastinators, may be considered lazy or “not very bright” because they struggle with starting or finishing tasks, avoid ones that cause anxiety

☇ Working memory – trouble mentally holding on to one piece of information while moving on to the next step in a sequence (multi-step tasks, taking notes…. forgetting directions or explanations just given)

EGO-DEPLETION
Having self-control is often referred to as willpower. It allows people to stay on point even when there are many distractions, or many calls on their attention.  It benefits relationships, & is the basis for  achievement, from school to the workplace.

There’s evidence that willpower is a limited resource, so even relatively minor acts of self-control – repeated – can take a toll. The idea is that willpower is like a muscle which can be both strengthened & fatigued.
Ego depletion happens when people use up their available willpower on one task. As a result, they can’t exert the same level of self-control on subsequent, often unrelated tasks.

This may explain why we struggle to avoid “bad behavior” when tempted by something  enticing over a long period of time.
EXP : — why many dieters can keep to their strict diet all day but give in after dinner when tempted by dessert
— why a married /committed person can rebuff repeated advances from someone other than their partner for days or weeks, but eventually gives in & have an affair.

Findings in neuroscience back this up. One study by Wagner et al. in 2013 used functional neuro-imaging to see if participants’ self-regulation energy would be depleted by the experiment’s prolonged activity.
✴︎ The scans showed there was less connectivity between areas of the brain involved in self-control and those involved in rewards. As their brain tired (maybe bored?), it was harder to keep resisting the available temptation. (Other research….)

NEXT : Self-REFLECTION

PREVIOUS : Self-regulation & the BRAIN 

SITE : “Executive Function Deficits Tied to ADHD”

EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING (E-F) (Adult Ego State) expresses
the True Self’s active, intentional aspects (free will). It’s the ability to focus attention, remember instructions, manage emotional reactions & actions, & organize our thinking.
AND
Self-regulation is using these skills to control our behavior.  It’s one the Self’s major executive functions – to rationally change responses or inner states.

E-F basics are several aspects of thinking :  inhibitory control, working memory, & mental flexibility – which make intentional S-R possible. It’s a combination of :
(1) behavioral regulation  = inhibiting impulsive reaction, shifting or adjusting to changes in routine or task demands, & regulating emotional responses
(2) meta-cognition = organizing problem-solving approaches, initiating activities, & keeping information in memory.

Weak levels of these 2 skills are related to greater depression symptoms, interpersonal & work problems

Executive function is judged by the strength of these skills, & when used effectively, can improve our life. We’re not born with these 7 important skills, but are born with the capacity to develop them through the right experiences & practice.

SKILLS – Like a talented conductor, the brain combines Executive Functions into a harmonious symphony.  It can also be seen as our air-traffic control system, that assigns tasks to each skill. At best, these work together to ensure we function efficiently & effectively when completing daily activities.

In a neuro-typical person, they develop in chronological order :
Self-awareness (#1) starts around age 2, and by age 30 > Planning & Problem Solving (#7) will be fully developed.

❣️ Self-awareness : regular inner-directed attention – controlling who & what you’re paying attention to, staying on topic, filtering out un-needed thoughts, & moving from one activity to another as required

❣️Adaptability
It’s the ability to modify our responses & emotions according to what fits the situation we’re in – which means we can cope with change. It makes us more flexible when confronting views or opinions different from our own, so we can see issues from many different perspectives

❣️Attention
This allows us to focus on a person or task for some period of time, ignore distractions, & re-focus quickly when side-tracked. It helps us hear & understand instructions, focus well during conversations, & concentrate on longer tasks

❣️Emotional Self-Regulation : The ability to understand & accept emotional experiences, & act appropriately in response to them. Use the first 4 functions to handle our own emotional states in order to process & modify or alter how we ‘feel’

❣️Flexibility
This allows us to be open-minded, testing out new approaches, going-with-the-flow when things don’t go as planned. It also means seeing situations in more than one way, critical for perspective-taking, problem-solving & effectively cope with unexpected change

❣️ Inhibition : (self-restraint) the capacity to think before you act (scroll to: The Need for Inhibition)

❣️Metacognition
It’s thinking about our thinking – considering what we know & what we don’t know about a topic as we’re in the process of learning. It can be identifying a critical skill when studying, able to complete challenging tasks, & understanding new material

❣️ Optimism
This is having a positive attitude toward experiences, knowing we have options & possibilities. Also appreciating the ability to can calm ourself when feeling stressed, anxious or down. It allows us to keep our eyes on what’s in our control while bypassing situations that are not. Strong self-regulators consider ‘problems’ as opportunities to learn from & improve future efforts.

❣️Organization
This skill is about keeping material & objects neat & orderly. It includes creating a place for everything, having designated spaced / containers to store things, & cleaning up we go thru the day. It insures being able to find what we need when we need it
(More in Part 2)

❣️Persistence
This is the ability to keep moving toward our goals regardless of external or internal struggles, working through delays & roadblocks whenever they come up. It includes trying new strategies, continuing to work when a task is hard, & asking for help when needed – giving 100% effort to keep on track (More in Part 2)

PREVIOUS : Self-regulation – Theory

DIAGRAMS ⬆️ from “Develop Executive Function & Self-Regulation Skills“

SITE : 6 Scientifically Proven Ways To Boost Your Self-Control

Core CAPABILITIES
In the brain, self-regulation (S-R) includes 2 types of responses:
🔸Automatic = rapid, impulse-directed (“fight or flight”), needed for urgent or threatening situations, AND
🔹Intentional = conscious, deliberate, proactive, used to achieve goals.

Our brain has distinct mechanisms for knowing ourself, knowing how others respond to us, detecting threats from within the social group, & regulating actions in order to avoid being excluded from those groups. Adults need specific abilities to succeed in life & support the successful development of the next generation.
Neuroscience & psychology research indicate these include, but are not limited to:
▫️ awareness, ▫️ focus, ▫️ planning,▫️ cognitive flexibility –—> which maintain or shift our attention in response to different demands, or apply different rules in different settings (ability to revise plans in the face of obstacles, setbacks, new information or mistakes)
▫️ self-control —-> ability to set priorities & resist impulsive actions or responses

As adults, they help us to get & keep a job, provide responsive care for children, manage a household, & contribute productively to the community.
When such skills have not developed as they should, or are compromised by ongoing stressors, individuals & communities pay the price in physical, social & financial health   (MORE….15 pgs. from a Harvard study)

To scientists, these Capabilities are part of self-regulation & executive functioning.  Integrating them requires communication between the prefrontal cortex & other brain areas which are devoted to different mental functions. These parts connect up over time & with the right experiences, become progressively more efficient.

The 3 main areas of the PFC (pre-frontal cortex) that are particularly important to self-regulatory functioning are ventromedial PFC (vMPFC) including orbitofrontal cortex, lateral PFC, and ACC. Damage to these areas have shown the various ways such patients can’t regulate themself – they become aggressive, antisocial, or laugh inappropriately, are hypersexual or excessively overeat.

The ACC (anterior cingulate cortex) is known to be crucial for self-regulation from neuro-imaging & electro-physiology studies. When damaged, common symptoms are general apathy, a depleted emotional capacity, & trouble carrying out goal-oriented activities.

Attention is the critical gate-keeper to trigger intentional S-R. It’s ‘staying awake’, opposite of dissociated in-attention = having & using a sustained focus on specific things inside & around us. Also the capacity to stay focused on a situation or task – in spite of distractions, fatigue, or boredom.

FIRST the brain must recognize that a current situation (the stimulus) requires a response
THEN – the brain’s automatic self-regulation system (ASRS) immediately launches a rapid-fire cycle of interacting neuro-transmitters, paying attention to the stimulus that’s presented.

NEXT – the intentional self-regulation system (ISRS) must act fast to determine what needs attention & prioritizing. It also quickly sends a signal to the ASRS to identify whether the initial response to the stimulus is the right one, or more careful thought / action is required.

This cycle moves on a continuum between Reactive / impulsive behavior at one end  <——> to Pro-active / goal-directed behavior at the other.
🎯 The Pro-active system relies on fluid intelligence (current ability to reason & deal with complex info)  to connect the dots of various moving parts of a situation, & come up with a streamlined game plan.
⚙️ The Reactive system scrambles to reorient itself when the brain is caught off guard & needs to quickly problem-solve in a seemingly new situation.

Both are important adaptations to the person’s early environment, since quick responses are helpful when faced with immediate or constant threats. But when longer-term goals are more important than immediate concerns, proactive action-choices taking precedence.

This is because it continually generates predictions (“what ifs) that anticipate future needs relevant to accomplishing goals. Comparisons between options are made from basic information quickly extracted from available input, linking it with images that exist in the person’s memory.

Self-regulation involves a balance between the orbitofrontal cortex – brain regions that represent the reward, importance & emotional value of a stimulus and prefrontal areas that provide our highest cognitive abilities – concentration, decision making, insight, judgment, planning, and the ability to retrieve memories. That balance is a vital part of being able to use our core capabilities – awareness, flexibility, focus & self-control.

NEXT : S-R &

PREVIOUS : Self-regulation – Intro 

THEORY
Self-regulation (S-R) has received a great deal of attention from psychology, education, neuroscience & athletics. Research began with Albert Bandura in the 70s-80s. Since then, many others have developed models of S-R, (with overlapping aspects), which expand our understanding of this concept.
The term refers to internal states & processes linked to the regulation of attention, emotions, impulses, stress, moods, stressors & thoughts.

1. Self-regulation theory (SRT) says that we expend conscious effort to control what we think, say & do, trying to be the person we want to be, both in specific situations & in the longer-term.

S-R is especially needed when there’s a conflict of motivations (to run from a fire OR help to rescue victims), & also relates to creating beneficial actions, such as studying for exams. To accomplish one’s goals, developing S-R requires evaluating & taking charge of one’s choices, by monitoring, directing & regulating behavior.

Baumeister (2007) listed the main S-R components of goal-attainment-efforts in any area of life :
▫️ Standards  = develop a model of desirable behavior
▫️ Motivation = the ability to meet those standards
▫️ Monitoring = keep track of events & thoughts that cause us to ignore or betray those standards
▫️ Willpower = internal strength to control self-defeating urges

S-R is intertwined with Motivation, which are our beliefs & attitudes that affect the development & use of various mental skills (cognitive & meta-cognitive). It’s deliberately choosing to act – avoid slacking off or procrastinating – so we complete tasks when there’s no real or immediate external consequence.

It’s one factor that determines how well we succeed. Whatever other qualities we may have, a strong capacity to be self-motivating is needed to promote our sense of purpose, competence & self-esteem. (HOW TO….Use these on yourself!)

SIMPLIFIED : ➡️  The Zimmerman S-R Model consists of 3 aspects, forming a cycle which can be repeated as many times as needed until it becomes integrated & automatic :
‣Preparing, with forethought, what we want to do before we act
‣Taking Action,  what we do during a task or event
‣Reflecting. reviewing what we did, after an action. This should determine how we prepare before a next attempt. (MORE…. about each one)

«
NEXT : S-R & the BRAIN

PREVIOUS : Song “THIS IS ME”

SITE : Blue Brain, Red Brain BALANCE is the Key

DEF
PHYSICAL – Our bodies have the capacity for self-regulation, such as heart rate rising & slowing down according to our activities. Also, the autonomic nervous system works – below our awareness – to regulate & balance many automatic functions. When any of these are out of balance, we experience internal symptoms & feeling out of synch with our environment.

PSYCHOLOGICAL : Self-regulation (S-R) also means being “in control of oneself by oneself” – the necessary steps taken to stay even-keeled.
It’s a person’s ability to consciously, deliberately monitor & manage reactions to their environment in appropriate ways, so they can navigate daily life successfully, more easily absorb info, feel good in their skin & generally get along well in the world.

Importance of S-R
Being self-regulated helps us use the right personal & social skills – at the right time – resisting self-defeating or dangerous responses to internal reactions & external aggravations. In its most basic form, being able to S-R allows us to  :
▶︎ 1. stay calm under stress (the lead-up to a big event), & pressure (what we experience at that moment)
Stress moments are experienced when no one else is paying attention when we’re overwhelmed. Pressure is the tension we feel when a moment is important or uncertain to ua, & when we think we’re being judged by others.
▶︎ 2. bounce back from failure, disappointment or loss

More than many other skills, these 2 will successfully carry us thru life. They’re founded on self-esteem & strong resilience.
Having the ability to activate S-R gives us room to pause between a feeling & an action – the time to think things through, make a valid plan & wait patiently for the right outcome when necessary.
Children often struggle to implementing these options, & many adults do as well.

It’s easy to see how a lack of S-R causes problems in life. A child who yells or hits other children out of frustration will not be popular among peers, & face reprimands at school.
An adult who lacks self-esteem & self-confidence will have poor S-R skills, so have trouble handling frustration & disappointments. This can be expressed as anger or anxiety, & in more severe cases may become a mental disorder (depression, mild paranoia….)

AREAS to be Self-regulated
• Biological – related to the level of energy in our nervous system
• Cognitive – the mental processes needed for absorbing, retaining &  being able to use info : memory, attention, problem solving….
• Emotional – about pleasant & painful feelings

• Social – the child’s ability to use social cues to act in acceptable / appropriate ways, also known as social intelligence (SQ)
• Actions / Prosocial – as adults, how we behave with others around us with empathy – keeping up positive social connections

LEVELS of S-R Awareness (T.E.A.)
Mental = replace distorted / unrealistic beliefs (Stinkin’ Thinkin’) with healthy though patterns, use one’s executive function strategies to learn & to solve problems

Emotional = able to identify a variety of emotions (Es) as they surface, take responsibility for having those Es and for expressing them in healthy ways, recognizing that Es can dissipate or change

Physical = recognize physical arousal by sensations in various parts of the body, seen via body scans, or by successfully used strategies (deep breathing, NLP, biofeedback devices…..) – to calm down & return to a higher brain function (Adulting)

HEALTHY self-control is a fundamental human capacity, but must be learned, so Self-regulation (S-R) is a major developmental task of childhood. Ideally, the adults act as role models, providing a psychological framework for the child’s internal ability to regulate.
(SEE 7 posts re. unhealthy ACoA over-control)

In a safe environment – the infant learns that its needs will be met by one or more adults, within a reasonable time, so it learns to trust that a caretaker will come, help her/him to calm itself, & provide all its needs.

❣️ Consistently responsive adults help the child build the capacity to wait, because it knows it will be taken care of.

S-R skills can be taught. They develop gradually, so it’s important that parents & teachers have age-appropriate expectations for how a child is able to react to various experiences. Most children learn by imitation – observing how others regulate themselves, especially the important adult, but some will need more hands-on instructions & a lot of practice.

✴︎ Good self-control in childhood predicts better health, less need for addictions, better income, & less criminal offending – as positive outcomes in adulthood.

NEXT: Self-Regulation – S-R Theory

PREVIOUS : WHY we Need to CRY – Part 3

HUMOR :  “20 Reasons To Cry”

Crying & Your Skin
Crying is essential for eye health.
As it turns out, practicing certain habits both during & after crying can make a difference in how your skin reacts.

Everyone’s crying style is different, but it’s not uncommon to have mild facial irritation after a good crying spell. One reason is that tears are isotonic (close to the normal saline used in intravenous (IV) fluids).  Tears have a pH of 7, which is higher than in our skin –  5.5 or 6. Because of this difference – while short-term crying is not harmful – long-term exposure to tears can cause more irritation & changes in skin hydration, which can lead to wrinkles.

“pH” refers to “potential hydrogen”, the level of acid & alkaline base in a substance, on a scale of 0 to 14, from most acidic to most basic. Both drinking water & human blood have a neutral pH, around 7.

Shedding tears has an effect on your entire face. When crying, the blood vessels around the eyes, face & nose become dilated with increased blood flow, leading to swelling, puffiness & redness.
Afterward, to reduce irritation, help re-constrict blood vessels & reduce dehydration from loss of electrolytes, wash your face with cold water or apply a cold compresses over eyelids. Apply a moisturizer with squalene, ceramides, or hyaluronic acid. Always pat gently, never rub!

Some very easy, inexpensive ways to treat the skin around the eyes :  A slice of potato & a cucumber can help relieve swelling & reduce dark circles under the eyes. Start by applying the cucumber slices to your eyes for 5 minutes. Then, replace them with potato slices for 5 minutes. Repeat 2-3x. Cucumbers contain powerful antioxidants that reduce irritation, and potatoes contain an enzyme called catecholase that helps lighten skin.

Crying for No (obvious)
Crying is normal in certain stressful situations. But frequently tearing up without an immediate cause may be a sign of a serious underlying condition. If you’re crying every day during normal activities, you may have postpartum or general depression with excessive feelings of guilt or shame,  & /or thoughts of suicide or death.
If you consider self-harm or act on the compulsion, call your local emergency services. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is #988.
More rarely, other causes of uncontrollable tears include pathological laughing & crying which can come with Alzheimer’s disease, stroke, or other brain diseases.

When OTHERS Cry
If someone starts to cry in front of you, you may feel uncomfortable & either try to cheer them up, or have a negative reaction. If you let it show, you can make the crier feel weak, embarrassed, or misunderstood, even though may not mean to be unkind.
Instead – these are APPROPRIATE ways to RESPOND :
✴︎ Simply acknowledge their sadness & embarrassment, being compassionate about their feelings
✴︎ Respect their tears. Show you care by letting them release their pain – without interfering

✴︎ Don’t talk too much, or not at all.  Give them time to organize their thoughts. Don’t rush to offer advice – ever – & hold space for them to process feelings

✴︎ When they’re ready to talk, let them tell you about what’s going on without commenting. Be patient as you listen to why they cried & how they feel now
✴︎✴︎ Accept the way they respond. Don’t tell the how they should feel or push them to feel a different way !

Studies show that people with secure relationship attachments are more comfortable showing emotion. They may cry in normal & healthy settings, while those with insecure relationship attachments may cry at inappropriate times.
Those with clingy or dependent styles (anxious-preoccupied) cry more often & people who are avoidant & withholding in close relationships – are less likely to cry, trying hard to avoid tears.

Some people generally cry less than others, which can be appropriate for them, as they may express emotions in other ways, while still having healthy outlets for dealing with physical or emotional pain.

NEXT : Self-Regulating – CHILDREN

PREVIOUS :
Why Cry ? – Part 2

SITE : “Happy Crying – why does it happen?”

PURPOSEs for CRYING
1. Detoxify the body – The 3 types of tears are reflex , continuous, emotional. Reflex & continuous tears contain 98% water, but emotional tears contain stress hormones & other toxins. Researchers say that crying flushes these things out of your system

2. Dull pain
When you’re physically hurt causing pain, crying is a natural response. This can signal that you’re in distress & need or want someone to help you.  Physical pain causes the body stress, & crying can release stress hormone cortisol, which helps to recover from the experience.

Crying for long periods releases oxytocin & endogenous opioids, ie. endorphins. These feel-good chemicals help ease both physical & emotional pain, especially oxytocin which gives a sense of calm or well-being. Once released, your body may go into a temporary numbness, providing a time to heal.

3. Self-soothe
Crying is be one of the best self-soothing mechanisms. Researchers have found that it activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), the physical part of us that helps the body digest & rest. However, the benefits aren’t immediate. It may take several minutes of shedding tears before you feel the soothing effects of crying. 2014 research also found that tears lower cortisol, easing stress.

4. Improve mood
Along with easing pain, crying – specifically sobbing – may even lift your spirits. When you sob, you take in many quick breaths of cool air. which can help regulate & even lower the brain’s temperature. A cool brain is feels better to your body & mind than a warm one., so your mood may improve after a sobbing episode

5. Recover from grief
Grieving is a process. It involves periods of sorrow, numbness, guilt, & anger.
Crying is particularly important during grieving episodes, because it can help to process & accept the loss of a loved one.

Everyone goes through the grieving process in different ways.
Depression is different than sadness – which is an emotion, while depression is a mental health condition. One symptom of depression is frequent crying.  Extreme or long-lasting crying which starts to interfere with your everyday life may need medical help.

6. Rally Social Support
From the time you were a baby, crying has been an attachment behavior.  As an adult, when feeling blue, crying is a way to let those around you know you need comfort & support. This article suggests that tears are a way to silently signal distress to people close by us.

This is known as an inter-personal benefit. This helps to build a social support network when the going gets tough. People tend to feel more empathetic to those who cry. A comprehensive research study of 7,007 participants found that people exposed to faces with-or-without tears were more likely to support those that were tearful.

Researchers propose that crying can be a form of social bonding for some. It seems that someone who is tearful is experienced as being ‘warm’, making the observer feel connected to them.
An other study showed that there are pheromones in tears that lower testosterone & aggression when smelled. So it literally changes how people react to you, a way of chemical communication.

It may also a truth check. EXP : If it’s inconvenient for me to help you, I might dismiss your complaints. But if you’re also shedding tears I’m more likely to take you seriously even if iI really don’t want to pay attention, because I know they’re hard to fake 😓(for most people).

7. Restore emotional balance
Crying does not only happen in response to something sad. You can cry when extremely happy, very scared or very angry, which can be your body’s way to recover from experiencing such a strong emotion. Researchers at Yale University believe that crying in those situations helps to restore emotional equilibrium.

8. To express joy
Crying isn’t only reserved for times when in physical or emotional pain. Many people also cry when extremely happy, including times of intense laughter. Leaking tears when you’re excited, touched, relieved, deeply grateful…..  – is healthy. This is common during positive life events such as a child’s birth or at weddings.

NEXT : Why Cry? Part 4

PREVIOUS : Why Cry – Part 1

SITE : ” Crying in your sleep”

3 TYPES of Tears

Crying is a way to help ensure your eyes stay healthy. According to the American Academy of Ophthalmology (AAO), tears help lubricate eyes & protect them from bacteria. The liquid product of crying can be divided into 3 distinct categories = basal, relax, emotional = with the first 2 being made up of 98% water. (MORE…..)

1. BASAL. These tears coat your eyes throughout the day, protecting the eyes by keeping out debris. Blinking helps spread them evenly over the surface of your eyes keeping them hydrated.  Tears transport oxygen & nutrients to the surface of your eyes,  improving your vision by sharpen your focus. To do their job, tears contain:  ☆ Water for moisture
☆ Mucus to spread tears over the surface
☆ Oils for lubrication, toprevent tears from evaporating
☆ Antibodies & special proteins to resist infection.

2. REFLEX (Irritant / continual). These tears gush out of the glands under your eyebrow when you throw up, from peeling onions, perfume,  pepper spray, or getting debris in your eyes. They also flush out irritants to protect your sight.
They can get triggered by bright lights, & from hot or peppery stimuli to the tongue & mouth. They’re also linked with vomiting, coughing & yawning.

3. EMOTIONAL. Humans are the only species known to produce emotional tears.  This category is about empathy, compassion, attachment pain, & moral or sentimental emotions – serving a biological function by excreting stress-inducing hormones built up through times of emotional distress.

Emotional tears have a different chemical makeup than those for lubrication (types 1 & 2) – the protein-based hormones prolactin, adrenocorticotropic hormone, & Leu-enkephalin (a natural painkiller). When these receptors in the ANS are activated, the lacrimal gland is stimulated to produce tears, which can be very therapeutic, known as “a good cry”, a part of the healing process.

Because tears have a symbolic meaning among humans, they communicate our emotions to others. They can make us more open & available, which could improve relationships, because crying often connects people, whether out of grief, love, passion, or another strong emotion.

It seems that crying particularly helps to soothe us when combined with outside support & comfort.  In many cases it may make others be empathetic & compassionate toward the crier, softening their anger or unpleasant reaction that made us cry in the first place.

Get to sleep : When we cry, our heart rate increases & breathing slows, reducing oxygen to the brain, which leads to drowsiness. Crying takes a lot of energy & is hard on the body. But intense sobbing to vent trauma will relieve our body of countless toxins & hormones like cortisol and prolactin (which contribute to elevated stress levels), & so will allow us to sleep better.  (Quora…..)

On the other hand, insincere grief or dishonest remorse is sometimes called crocodile tears, from an Ancient Greek anecdote that crocodiles would pretend to weep while luring or devouring their prey.
Also, “crocodile tears syndrome” is slang for Bogorad’s syndrome, a rare reaction to recovery from Bell’s palsy,  when a faulty facial nerve regeneration causes the person to shed tears while eating.

NOTE for ACoAs : When in early recovery, suffering a deep loss, or when uncovering old trauma at any time, it’s absolutely normal & healthy to do a lot of crying, even on-&-off for months or years. As long as you’re getting the right kind of therapy, Program meetings & spiritual support, you will come out the other end of the pain tunnel much lighter & more grounded in your True Self.  Accept the process!

DRY EYE syndrome ( kerato-conjunctivitis sicca)
Symptoms range from mild, & occasional to severe and continuous. They include dryness, irritation, redness, discharge, blurred vision, & easily fatigued eyes.
It can lead to blurred vision, instability of the tear film, increased risk of damage to the ocular surface such as scarring of the cornea, & changes in the eye, including to the neuro-sensory system

It can be caused by age, and certain medications such as antihistamines, some blood pressure meds, hormone replacement therapy, and antidepressants.…
It affects 5–34% of people to some degree, depending on the population, & seniors are affected up to 70%. (17% in China)

NEXT : Why Cry? Part 3

PREVIOUS : How to STOP Lying, #3

SITE : “Why can’t I cry even though I’m sad?”  (& How to cry if  you want to)

ACoAs :
For some of us, allowing ourself to cry is very difficult – all our tears seem to be died up. They could molest, beat, belittle us, punish or made fun of as a cry-baby…. but early on we determined we would never let them see that they won. We had to “be strong”, had to pretend their abuse didn’t hurt…. so we swallowed our tears, & now we can’t seem to access them!

For others, as adults we seem to cry at the drop of a hat, whether at a sad movie, a big disappointment, being frustrated or very angry. All our accumulated pain is right on the surface, easily triggered.  Before recovery, one highly sensitive ACoA quipped : “I’m an emotional hemophiliac. Touch me & I bleed! ”

THIS set of POSTs is mainly aimed at the first group.
The reality is that we have tear-ducts built into our body for a reason!  just as the ability to feel emotions is built into our brain, from the amygdala, as part of the limbic system.
Among other things, this is part of our brain that automatically detects danger.
But since most ACoAs grew up in very dangerous families & environments, we had to be constantly on alert, hiding, placating or fighting. So it makes sense that our whole limbic system got overworked & then shut down. 

CRYING is a natural response to a range of emotions, from deep sadness & grief to extreme happiness & joy.  It’s an important safety valve, since tears release /expel endorphins like oxytocin. If you always suppress tears, you may not be able to express emotions in a healthy way – called repressive coping.

Physically, repressive coping has been linked with a less resilient immune system, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, auto-immune diseases…. Psychologically, not crying about painful emotions can lead to mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, & dissociation.

Even though at first you might feel exhausted when the tears stop flowing, crying has long been considered beneficial. Its medical value has been known as far back as in Classical antiquity. Thinkers & physicians of ancient Greece & Rome asserted that tears work like a purgative, draining off impurities.

Today’s psychological thought emphasizes crying as a mechanism to release stress & emotional pain. It has also been shown to increase attachment behavior, encouraging closeness, empathy & support from friends & family.

Popular culture has always known the value of a good cry as a way to feel better – maybe even to experience physical pleasure – as proven by the millions of people who watched classic tearjerker films such as West Side Story or Titanic, among others.

Crying AMOUNT
Some people are more likely to cry than others. Researchers at the Tilburg University in the Netherlands studies crying extensively, & found that average amounts by country vary considerably. EXPs: pr. month : women in China only cry about 1.4x . Men in Bulgaria reportedly cry a mere 0.3x .

Averages in America are on the higher side  = pr. month : women cry 3.5x, men cry around 1.9 x .
Other research :  overall, US women cry 60% more than men, but experts aren’t sure why. It could be because men:
♛ Have smaller tear ducts
♛ Usually have more testosterone, which may inhibit crying
♛ Have less prolactin, a hormone that might promote tears
♥︎ Are often encouraged to not cry

What are tears made of?
The outer oily layer prevents tears from drying up too quickly, while the inner mucous layer allows the tear film to stick to our eyes, always coating the eyes around the cornea (clear outer layer of eyeball). The middle watery layer is the thickest, keeping the eyes wet, nourishing their tissues.

Tears are also filled with electrolytes, which explains their salty taste. Electrolytes are essential minerals with an electric charge, necessary to many bodily functions. They’re in our blood, sweat & urine. When we lose a lot of electrolytes via sweating, crying, or using the bathroom, we need to replenish them by drinking water & eating electrolyte-rich food.

NEXT : Part 2