PREVIOUS : Resentment – Inventory Chart

POSTs  : ☀︎Controlling & Abandonment
☀︎ACoAs Abandoning Others  (#1a)

 

ALL ROADS lead to…… 
Although we’re most familiar with resentment being fueled by anger, if we dig far enough into our inner world, it actually stems from ACAs’ most basic & overwhelming fear of abandonment (FoA) we still carry in our body & soul. This core anxiety is an accumulation from all the years we experienced abuse & neglect growing up, in all 4 PMES levels = Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual. 

Connections Between Resentment & Fear
📌 Cycle of Emotion: The interplay between fear & resentment creates a vicious cycle, the first slowly leading to the second, which in turn can worsen the fear, especially in close relationships

📌 Defense Mechanism of resentment – developed against deep feelings of vulnerability or inadequacy (S-H). It lets you project your fears on to others rather than confronting them directly

📌 Fear of Loss: Resentment can be formed by the anxiety of potentially losing something valuable, such as a special relationship, status, or opportunity. When you think of or actually notice that few of your needs are not being met – or not at all – you can feel resentful toward those you believe – or definitely know – are responsible

📌 Fear of Rejection: Resentment may develop when you’re  afraid or potential rejection & isolation. This can make you react in ineffective or self-defeating ways in reaction to slights or injustices

📌 Fear of Vulnerability: you may become resentful when you feel a threat to your physical  or emotional safety, or self-esteem. This fear can lead to being defensive & judgmental to others .
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ACAs ADDRESSING Fear  : All the 12 Steps help us deal with fear, even when we aren’t sure what we’re afraid of. But Step 4 is essential to understanding that emotion. It  encourages us to confront & accept our specific fears rather than avoiding them. This is required to break the cycle of any addiction, & build a foundation for long-term recovery

☀︎ Naming the Fear: A crucial goal of Step 4 is to identify & admit specific fears. That way we can understand their origins & how they influence behavior

☀︎ Seeing the Impact: Honestly identify how fear has shaped our  decisions which have affected our life, helps us see the broader impact on ourself & others, seeing the patterns of behavior that we’d like to change

☀︎ Building Courage: Taking a moral inventory requires courage. Sharing these fears with a sponsor or trusted member – of whichever Program you regularly participant in – can provide support & validation, helping to soothe our fear of judgment & abandonment.

Using the 12 Steps to deal with Fears
They provide a structured approach to recovery, emphasizing the importance of honesty, self-reflection, & spiritual growth. (AA Fear Inventory Example & Worksheet )
🔅 Admitting Powerlessness: Step 1 involves admitting we are powerless over any addiction & that life has become unmanageable – because of it/them. This often means being able to face our anxiety about loss of control. Then in steps 2 & 3, we ask for the Power greater than ourself to help manage our life

🔅 Taking a Moral Inventory: Steps 4, 5, 6 & 7 tell us to courageously make a list about ourself, then admitting any wrongs to God & another person, & become entirely ready to have them removed. We rely on Higher Power to strengthen us to uncover & address all our deep-seated fears  (ACA 12 steps Version)

🔅 Making Amends : Steps 8 & 9 focus on making amends to those harmed by our fear-based actions, which require facing others’ possible angry reactions or rejection

🔅 Seeking Spiritual Growth: Steps 10, 11 & 12 emphasize continuous inner reflection & spiritual growth, which helps build resilience when facing our fears. (REVISED – updated – AA Version)

NEXT : Resentment RECOVERY (Part1)