⛓️ Beliefs
⚙︎ I know the right way
⚙︎ I need to be more organized & methodical than others so things get done – right
⚙︎ If you can’t do it perfectly, don’t do it at all
⚙︎ Others too often have lax standards
⚙︎ “Right is right & wrong is wrong. I hate mistakes.

⛓️ Emotions
⚙︎ Anxious that others will mess up the order & balance I have created
⚙︎ Constantly frustrated & disappointed with self & others for not living up to ideal standards
⚙︎ Suppressed anger, with sarcastic or self-righteous overtones

⛓️ Justification Lies
✑ I know how things should be done & must do the right thing
✑ It is up to me to fix whatever messes I encounter
✑ Striving to be perfect is a good goal,  & it makes me feel better about myself
✑ To act this way is a personal obligation
✑ There’s usually a clear right & clear wrong way to do things.

⛓️ Original Survival Function
⚙︎ The Stickler may have generated a sense of order in the middle of a chaotic family dynamic, or earned acceptance & attention from emotionally distant or demanding parents by standing out as the irreproachable perfect kid
⚙︎ Trying to be perfect was a way to suppress the voice of constant self judgment & fear of others’ disapproval
⚙︎ If I did what they wanted it temporarily stopped their interference & reproaches. Perfection a brought a little relief

⛓️ Impact on Self and Others
🪄Causes resentment, ongoing anxiety & frustration & self-doubt in oneself
🪄Causes rigidity, reducing flexibility in dealing with change & others people’s difference in styles
🪄Others get tired of the Stickler’s constant criticism, & resign themself that no matter how hard they try they’ll never please it.

⚙️ ACoA posts: Perfectionism,  Enneagram Type 1,

10. The VICTIM accomplice
⛓️ Description
⚙︎ An extreme focus on internal feelings, particularly painful ones
⚙︎ Fairly dramatic reactive. When things get tough, want to crumble & give up. Repressed rage results in depression, apathy, & constant fatigue
⚙︎ Get attention by having emotional problems, or being temperamental & sullen
⚙︎ Martyr streak. If criticized or misunderstood, tend to withdraw, pout & sulk.
⚙︎ Unconsciously attached to having difficulties.

⛓️ Beliefs
⚙︎ I am what I feel. No one understands me  ⚙︎ I must be uniquely disadvantaged or flawed
⚙︎ I wish someone would save me from this dreary mess. Poor me
⚙︎ Terrible things always happen to me.”

⛓️ Emotions – I :
⚙︎ am envious / jealous, & always make negative comparisons with others
⚙︎ feel sad, unwanted, invisible, hopeless
⚙︎ feel alone & lonely, even when I’m around people I’m close to
⚙︎ tend to brood on my painful emotions for a long time

⛓️ Justification Lies
✑ If I’m perfect,  I’ll get some of the love & attention I desperately want
✑ Someone will feel sorry for me & want to take care of me
✑ Sadness is a noble & sophisticated thing that shows exceptional depth, insight & sensitivity

⛓️ Original Survival Function
☁︎ This Saboteur often develops from having truly been abused (physically, sexually….) in childhood
Also – not seen & accepted by family, so becomes convinced there’s something especially wrong with you
♥︎ Victim is a strategy to squeeze out some affection from those who would otherwise not be paying attention.
★ This attitude mimics a false sense of aliveness

⛓️ Impact on Self and Others
🪄 Vitality wasted through internal toxic brooding
🪄Backfires by pushing people away, while needing connection
🪄Others feel helpless & guilty that they can’t fix you. They get frustrated because all they can do is put a temporary BandAid on the Victim’s pain.

NEXT : The SAGE, Part 1