PREVIOUS: S-R – Adults, #2

SITE : “The Myth of Self-Regulation”

NOTE: T.E.A. = Thought, Emotions, Actions (moods, feelings, body /behaviors)

BASED on info from The MEHRIT Centre
#1. MYTH – “Scientists all mean the same thing about S-R
ANS : Dr. Jeremy Burman documented 447 different uses of “self-regulation” in scientific literature, grouped into 6 distinct concept-families (domains)

#2. Not being able to self-regulate is a ‘moral failure’
ANS : When a child can’t regulate their actions, thoughts or emotions they’re not being disobedient, manipulative, mean or trying to irritate someone. More likely it’s from curiosity (how does this toy come apart?), finding something funny or strange (making fart sounds), by accident, or induced by stress.

#3. It’s just about managing stress & emotions
ANS : S-R is as much about up-regulating pleasant emotions (interest, love, happiness…) as down-regulating painful ones. It involves controlling & modulating what you do with your body & brain as well as emotions. Learning to manage stress produces a calmness that opens doors to practicing all forms of self-regulation.

#4. It’s just another word for ‘self-control’
ANS : S-R is concerned with how we manage stress & energy, not about inhibiting impulses or shutting off feelings that arise from excessive stress. It involves learning to control, plan, monitor…our T/E/As. Importantly, it also involves learning when to let loose & just be yourself.

#5. A child’s ability to self-regulate, like intelligence, is genetically determined
ANS : Neither is genetic, although biological issues can make it harder for some children to learn to manage their behavior from life’ stressors

#6. Only children need to learn self-regulation
ANS : Executive functions (E-F) change throughout life, so they have to be adjusted according to our health & circumstances. Having to plan & organize, control our impulses, remember important information, monitor our behavior, & be flexible in our thinking are huge tasks, so are just as critically important for us adults as to our children.

#7. It has to be taught early or not at all
ANS : Excessive stress in the early years can have a strong effect on a child’s ‘reactivity’ (be out of control), but it’s never too late to be appropriately modified & corrected .
Actually, S-R takes more than 20 years to fully develop, so there’s a wide time-window for teaching / learning how to self-regulate. But anyone who has to start much later in their development will have to unlearn some old habits while developing new skills.

#8.  It turns children into ‘tiny tyrants’
ANS : Children learn how to self-regulate their T.E.A.s in ways that fit each family & culture. The adults make sure children learn when they can let loose to do whatever they want – as well as what’s not okay, and how to channel their needs & desires. As children grow they can be freer yet still need adult guidance, but with less close supervision.

#9. It can’t be learned by some children
ANS : All children can learn self-regulation. That means young ones, those with learning challenges, the gifted ones… everyone can improve. Some children will need more support & practice, and some need unique learning tools, but every child can benefit from refining their S-R skills.

 #10. It is just a form of behavior management
ANS : Self-Reg does provide a more effective way to manage behavior than traditional behaviorist approaches, since it’s about understanding, not imposing external control (by fear), & improving negative conditions that cause mis-behavior.

Adults teaching a child S-R skills can reward desired behaviors to decrease acting out or making undesired choices. It includes helping children understand when & where they need to self-regulate.

#11. It lets parents and teachers be permissive
ANS : S-R is about recognizing & reducing stressors, so structure is important & very much wanted by children, who do not thrive in chaos or neglect. Permissive parents are as great a stress for children as the authoritarian type.

Children need to learn how to control themself & their social interactions in order to get along well in the world, with guidance as to the appropriate times & places to do different things.
EXP: Running down an isle & yelling in a church/ synagogue /mosque is NOT ok, but is both appropriate & encouraged at games, concerts, rallies….

NEXT: S-R  Growth