PREVIOUS : Spirituality (#1)
BOOKs :
“ATTACHED to GOD” ∼ Krispin Mayfield, with review
▸ :”GOD ATTACHMENT “∼ Dr.
A CHRISTIAN Perspective
“Attachment Theory & Your Relationship with God”, by
Dr. Bonnie Poon Zahl , a UK psychologist studying people’s religious & spiritual experiences in terms of natural psychological processes – the thoughts, emotions & behaviors that form the warp & weft of human life.
To do this she uses an important & well-respected concept about human relationships : Attachment Theory, which explains how people experience & respond to separation & distress within —–> the context of core, close relationships from very early in their life.
Attachment is part of what it means to be human – beings who are created by God to be part of His eternal family. So how attachment styles affect human connections can also describe our relationship with God & the ways we talk about our faith.
RECAP : Our most intense emotions are triggered during the “formation, maintenance, disruption & renewal” of attachments. Separation brings up feelings of loss, sadness & grief, and sometimes anger — while reunion causes joy & closeness for some, but more mixed emotions for others.
Since Baby is born without the ability to regulate emotions, Mom needs to bond with infant, & then she can regulate the ++ & — emotions of them both, by face-to-face communication, looking into baby’s eyes, & smiling.
These early experiences play a crucial role in our sense of Self = in relation to those people who matter the most.
re. RELIGION
Bonnie explains : ‘As a Christian & a psychologist, I’m struck by the clear parallels between the attachment theory of separation & reunion and the Christian narrative of alienation from God because of sin, the suffering it causes, & reunion by God’s grace through Jesus’ death & resurrection.”
Attachment patterns developed in childhood provide one lens that helps us see how people relate to God when things go wrong in our life. Research confirms the tendency to consider God as an attachment figure, so we experience Him in different ways :
🔆 securely, the connection with God is stable & integrated throughout the ups & downs of life
〽️ anxiety about abandonment (FoA) – always worried about losing God’s loved, & trying to be perfect to avoid His anger
〽️ avoidance of intimacy (FoC) – don’t feel His presence or love, so don’t want to depend too much on God, even when distressed.
Many Christians do turn to God to restore a lost sense of security. But when some Christians experience Him as distant, unresponsive or absent, they feel depressed or bitter. Anger at God is a common reaction to unanswered prayer, especially if there’s a strong need & they’re very disappointed when God doesn’t respond the way they hoped.
For the Insecurely attached, long-term anger at God can turn into doubting their relationship with Him.
Not getting what they asked for, many of this type misunderstand & misinterpret the reasons (EXP : God is mad at me….), or go as far as doubting God’s goodness, even losing faith altogether. (EXP: Mother Teresa : 50 yrs of feeling abandoned by God – scroll to “The Onset)
In any case, God meets us as we are, whatever the attachment style.
🔻 On the human side, the Incarnation proved that God himself fully understands us because He took on the same kind of body & mind as us, & had the same kind of relationships with family many of us have had.
EXP: Jesus’ siblings didn’t believe in Him (until after His resurrection). And once, when Jesus was mobbed in a house where He was teaching & healing people —-> his mother & brothers came to get Him, convinced He was crazy! (Mark 3:20)
🔺 On the spiritual side, the Bible presents God as the perfect Father & caregiver, but how we take that in will at least partly depend on how we were raised. Wise Christians turn to God to restore a lost sense of security.
The Psalmist describes God as “our refuge & strength, a very present help in trouble” (Ps 46:1).
St. Paul wrote that “neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation —> will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rm 8:38).
Truly amazing – & a wonderful promise!
NEXT: SPIRITUALITY (#3)
HEAL & GROW for ACoAs 