PREVIOUS : GRIEF

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SECONDARY
See extensive list of effects in INTRO post.

SELF-BLAME
This is another grief that many will be identify as such but is quite common.  It’s accusing yourself harshly for something gone wrong, whether you were responsible or not.
*** Blame implies you’re a bad person rather than having done a ‘bad’ action (or not known something)***
The troubles are usually caused by external factors – like an argument with a loved one or a problem at work….  If it triggers self-hate it will cause depression, anxiety & intense emotional pain.

But if we want to live peacefully in the world – it can start with oneself. Just as we have to accept being mortal, we need to admit we’re human.
Improvement is never fueled by judgements & blame. To move forward, it’s imperative we only take responsibility for our own actions, admitting that we can not be super-human, and believe in our bones that it’s normal to make mistakes or not know everything!

SELF-GRIEVEMENT
Most people are not aware of self-grievement.  But the truth is, most of us experience this grief at one time or another. It’s when you feel sad for yourself, being disappointed where you are in life – compared to the fantasy of your younger self. Or wondering if there’s something’s ‘wrong’ with you, like you’ve ‘lost’ some part of yourself, but can’t figure out why you feel that way. 

Of course it can be painful, & confusing. You wonder “How could this happen?  Why am I so down?….” Having occasional Self-grief is normal, as you periodically take stock of your life.  Just like we all have good days & bad ‘hair’ days, there are times when you’re happy & times when you’re sad.
Maybe you need a course correction, like a new job or relationship.  Maybe you’re outgrowing an old skin, or you’re in transition, or need to pick up some talent or interest you’ve let lapse along the way. Whatever you’re feeling is part of you, so quietly sit with the self-grief & use it to embrace all the part need to be pulled together – to make a whole you.

SENIOR
Older people grieve differently – having unique & often worse effects from loss. Some causes :
♥︎ being at a high risk for severe health problems from increased stress levels & natural aging
♥︎ already having decreased appetite, bereavement makes it more likely they skip meals
♥︎ memory may already be affected, but grief can increase confusion, disorientation & disorganization.  And the cognitive slide can cause increased financial problems

♥︎ Loneliness is already a stressor, so when their peers die, it becomes more intense.  Social isolation drastically increases the risk of premature death, as great as it is from obesity, smoking, inactivity & lack of access to care

♥︎ Isolation : seniors not only suffer more intensely, but also tend to suffer alone.  Unfortunately they were raised with the painful mindset of “Pick yourself up by the bootstraps”- to deal with difficult emotions – without help.  Also, society tends to ignore senior needs, as if they don’t get upset as intensely as the young

People live longer than we did  30 yrs ago.  Now, (2025) seniors who survive longest suffer multiple losses of the important people in their life. This can be devastating, so it’s important for them to cultivate younger relatives & friend to insure ongoing companionship.

TRAUMATIC
This type comes from extreme experiences which are happening too fast, are too much, too intense or not at the right time in your personal development. It may be the result of crime or medical complications at someone’s death, a rape with violence…. or related to first responders, healthcare, military personnel ….. – huge stresses too big to process at the time, & the aftershocks lasting a lifetime.

With the death of a long-term significant other, grief may include PTSD symptoms – which are the resulting shock & fear.
In other cases, it may be about Moral Injury = a deep psychological distress from some actions or non-action which contradicts a person’s ethical or moral code. This can lead to severe feelings of guilt, shame, & betrayal. ( sciencedirect.com )
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NEXT: GRIEF’s effect on the BODY