PREVIOUS : Attachment – Spirituality #4

BOOK : “POSITIVE INTELLIGENCE” book & lectures, from Yale & Stanford professor Shirzad Chamine’s extensive psychology & neuroscience research.

The 10 SABOTEURS are negative psychological ‘constructs’, automatic belief patterns that are part of the False Self, governing our every move. They represent our brain’s automatic mental habits of limiting beliefs & assumptions about how to handle life’s challenges.

They started off as mental  guardians, developed in childhood to help us survive real threats to our physical & emotional self. They were psychological attempts to manage the distressing environment we were in, trying to provide a sense of safety for ourself – or at least some control.

Instead, they have steered us in the wrong direction, so we end up undermining ourself. These harmful ‘protective characters’ are so pervasive that we don’t realize they’re running us, influencing the way we think, feel & act – each with its own motivation.

SYNOPSIS
PRIMARY
♦️ The Judge – the ultimate saboteur, activates & works with one or more Accomplice Saboteurs to hijack our thinking, causing most of our setbacks in life. When we’re triggered by some current event, we activate whichever Saboteur shows up to react according to pre-set but invisible patterns. They :
❗️ keep beating you up over mistakes or limitations
❗️ warn you obsessively about future risks
❗️ wake you up in the middle of the night worrying
❗️ get you fixated on what’s wrong with others or your life. You over-think, obsessing over mistakes, & worrying about the future (projecting negative outcomes)

REINFORCERS / Accomplices:
▪︎ Avoider – puts off unpleasant tasks & conflicts
▪︎ Controller – needs to take charge & manipulate situations
▪︎ Hyper-Achiever – thrives off of constant performance & achievements —> for validation

▪︎ Hyper-Rationalist – intensely focused on processing everything rationally, which comes off as being uncaring
▪︎ Hyper-Vigilant – intense anxiety about dangers, real or not
▪︎ Pleaser – tries to get acceptance & affection by constantly helping, rescuing, & flattering others

▪︎ Restless – constantly chasing more excitement, the next activity, only happy when always busy
▪︎ Stickler – perfectionist, with a desperate need for “order”
▪︎ Victim – over-focused on painful emotions, always the martyr. (Details for each in following posts)

♥️ Alternatively, the SAGE is our native wisdom, without the “bad voice”. It provides the ability to be emotionally balanced, a guide to deeper insights, & helps us make good decisions. The SAGE is the counter to harmful defense mechanisms, & can be developed by applying Cognitive Reframing, Mindfulness & Self-Compassion.

By the time we’re adults we no longer need the saboteurs, but they’re  deeply entrenched in our mind, having become soft-encoded in our brain through neural pathways.  Saboteurs & the Sage live in entirely different regions of the brain. Consistently applying S.A.G.E. tools can result in :
Increased grey matter in the PQ Brain region, where your Sage lives
Decreased grey matter in the Survivor Brain region, where your Saboteurs live (more in Part 2)

Which saboteur shows up?
Saboteurs were copied from our very damaged parents (+ others), who had their own ingrained defenses which we absorbed during the first 15-20 years of life when we were subjected to daily neglect & PMES abuses.

Characteristics of our parent’s personality & dysfunction decide which saboteurs show up as the negative energy :
💚 that motivates us to function, and what is —
💙 — our personal style of handling challenges.

3 main motivations underpin survival needs
☙ Acceptance  –  to maintain a positive image in the eyes of others, so we can be validated & gain their affection
☙ Independence  -  to have boundaries with others, & maintain personal separateness
☙ Security  – to control unsafe things in life & push away or minimize them.
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⬆️ 3 styles of handling any given situation re. acceptance, independence or security needs :
☞ Assert  – take actions that fulfill our needs (strongest & most active)
☞ Earn  –  work hard to insure achieving those needs
☞ Avoid –  protect those needs by withdrawing ourself or our attention from activities, thoughts & feelings, or from other people.

DEVELOPING Self-sabotage (“behavioral dysregulation”), includes :
✓ not forming a legitimate goal to pursue
✓ having a deep fear of failure AND of success
✓ cognitive dissonance – internal imbalance or discomfort when words or actions do not align with one’s beliefs & values…. (SEE  7 common signs of self-sabotage)

NEXT : SABOTEURs – Intro (#2)