DEFICIT base: Childhood trauma dissociation. Repressed memories of abandonment.
CORE SHAME: :”I’m only as good as what I do or not do for others”
LONELINESS: Excruciating feeling of worthlessness – the existential void
ADDICTIONS: Isolation, chemicals & narcissistic lovers mask intense pain
PEOPLE-PLEASING / RESCUING: Compulsive caretaking, manipulate others for acceptance & love
ABUNDANCE Base: Self-respect & self-care
CORE Beliefs: “I love myself & I can be loved by others – just for who I am”
INNER PEACE: Freedom to be happy without a ‘relationship’ – no void to fill
MUTUALITY in Relationships: Interdependent, expecting respect & love from others
SELF-LOVE: Acceptance & appreciation of one’s place in the world
♦ LETTING GO….
REVERSE PYRAMID of Transcendence (re. Maslow Level 6):
It foes not mean we top doing whatever it is we do in everyday life – but rather letting go of attachment to perfection, outcomes & neediness – which we base our actions on. “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water.”
Progress of enlightenment (small e) by LETTING GO :
Base: of perfection, moving toward appropriate vulnerability
✱ Low attachment to outcomes
2. of need for other’s opinions. Not judgemental, moralizing or shaming
✱ See self as part of larger whole
3. of need to hang on to others. Loosen grip on self-preservation instincts, thoughts & emotions
✱ Able to ship internally to solve problems
4. of need for security & certainty, learning to give up control over everything
✱ Being in the present – to take actions
5. of need for physical safety, to be able to sacrifice self for a greater cause
6. of the grip of fear of death. Go for one’s dreams, no matter what the cost.
♦ Addiction RECOVERY process
Just as individuals’ substance use disorder recovery needs might be different depending on their life course stage, those needs may also be different depending on their recovery stage. What one needs to sustain substance use disorder recovery will be different depending on if they have 3 weeks versus 3 months versus 3 years, and so on in recovery
A prominent model of behavioral change that cuts across theories – The Trans-theoretical Stages of Change Model – serves as a useful way to understand this change process. The different stages of change necessitate different recovery strategies.
From the least aware to life-long sobriety: Pre-contemplative, Contemplative, Preparation & Action, Maintenance. (More….)
♦ SOUND RELATIONSHIPS & ADDICTION
“HOUSE” of Healthy relationships:
Base level: Building Love Maps – how well partners know one another
2. Share Fondness & Admiration. the amount of affection and respect within a 3. 3. Turn Towards in everyday moments, which are actually the building blocks of relationship. (More….)
BUT – If Substance Abuse intrudes, it will erode an intimate relationship, like an unwanted guest. If the couple is willing to enter recovery (AA, Al-Anon….), the ‘house’ levels can be used for healing, with special attention to building solid walls against the return of the uninvited-invited guest, & open up windows to each other, to communicate growth needs & challenges. (More….)
In his classic book Why Buildings Stand Up, architect Mario Salvadori agreed with Maslow’s final addition of spiritual ‘Transcendence’. Salvadori pointed out that spiritual needs have always preoccupied people, even when they are lacking basic physiological comforts.
Once humans abandoned their nomadic lifestyles to live in fixed communities, the larger architectural dwellings were usually places of worship & communion.
Monuments also expressed a culture’s conception of spiritual needs, & of life and death. The Pyramids of ancient Egypt and the mausoleum of the First Emperor, Qin Shi Huangdi, complete with terracotta army…… illustrate obsessions with death & immortality.
Cultures & the way we do architecture may have changed, because of advances in science & technology, but our needs – from physiological to spiritual – have not. We live, eat, sleep & procreate in the same way. However, today our largest buildings are shopping malls, as fewer people are motivated by organized religion.
We worship the material, so these large structures express our concept of our greatest need: to consume as much as we can. (re. buildings) // (re. Fashion needs)