MY WORDS & EXPRESSIONS
always give me away
PREVIOUS: Talk Types 2a
REVIEW: Intro explanation from Part 2a
TYPE 2s give ADVICE, COMPLIMENTS, PRAISE, SYMPATHY
Self-talk: ‘You need me’.
WORDS : inspire, help, need, strong/weak, we/us
are about: connection, falling in love, potential, service
Public Speaking Manner: Warmth
Style: 2s talk to other attentively, showing interest by eye contact & verbal encouragement. They like to give & get compliments, & love to give helpful advice. But – when upset, 2s can speak with hysterical fury.
THEY: • Ask question
• Talk in a soft voice unless angry or agitated
• Focus on what others are talking about, with fewer references to self
• Get angry or complain when they dislike what others say about something that matters to them
Pitfalls: Lose their audience by getting lost in emotional stories or be over-emotional. Feel pride for giving so much, & think the audience should be grateful. ‘Shape-shift’ to be liked, so can seem wishy-washy.
USE language to: befriend, comfort, get personal, meet needs, offer friendly advice, pitch in, support
Others can experience 2s as over-helpful, nagging, controlling, resentful
CONFLICT Style: blustery anger, dramatic, emotionally explosive, entitled, OR acting the martyr, sulking, teary.
2s are set off if they think they’re not kind, helpful or by any implication their ‘helping’ efforts aren’t well received.
MANIPULATE / create CONFLICT by: forming dependencies – always ready to console, & give helpful tips or ‘teaching’ advice
Masters at creating a connection, using it to figure out what they think others need / want, & then try to provide it
BLOCK others by: being presumptuous, over-helping, over-advising
For BOUNDARIES: 2s need ‘arrogance’, actually – assertiveness – to speak up for themselves
For FLOW in conversation, need COMFORT: for themselves – physical, emotional & intellectual
To RESOLVE conflicts with 2s: When they feel used or undervalued, assure them their efforts are appreciated & are not in vain. Acknowledge their emotions, but don’t cater to their histrionics, BUT remind them:
• they’re choosing to do whatever they’re doing
• you want them to take care of themselves
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TYPE 3s use PROPAGANDA, SALES, PITCHES, SELF-PROMOTION
Self-talk: ‘Watch me shine’.
WORDS : Awesome, Outstanding, Wonderful……
are about: achievement, doing, goals, efficiency, success, winning
Public Speaking Manner : Convincing
Style: 3s can have a fixed stare when talking to others, making them seem fake, like they’re pretending to listen but are much more interested in the impression they are making.
They name-drop & ‘casually’ mention new projects or acquisitions to show how successful they’ve become (humble brag?)
THEY: • Are impatient with lengthy conversations
• Think & respond quickly, with confidence
• Are direct, enthusiastic, fast-paced, topic-focused
• Avoid topics they don’t know much about or reflect badly on them
• Use clear, efficient, logical, well formulated words, concrete examples
Pitfalls: May not have a real message – being strong on style but low on content or having an actual point.
Can seem too slick, too polished, so the audience won’t trust them. Can cut corners & slide through by pretend to know more than they actually do.
Use language to: advertise, exclaim, motivate, perform, promote
Others can experience 3s as overly efficient, restrictive, & overriding others’ views
MANIPULATE / create CONFLICT by: being charming, & taking on whatever image will ‘work’ to look good & get what they want. Try to impress by always talking about how well they’re doing, how great things are, what-all they’ve done.
BLOCK others by: dishonesty – outright lies or by evasions
CONFLICT style: arrogant, condescending, dismissive, evasive, sly, narcissistic, superior, undermining.
3s are triggered when feeling undervalued or dismissed. They can easily get angry when their success & drivenness is misunderstood or sabotaged
For BOUNDARIES: need ‘untruth’, to omit bragging or status language (avoid truth-paralysis) so they can move forward
To FLOW in conversation, need APPRECIATION: by valuing self & others – maximize strengths & minimize weaknesses
To RESOLVE conflicts with 3s: Set aside time to discuss issues, & don’t let them try to smooth things over with promises or apologies, especially when they don’t understand the problem.
In a close relationship, appreciate their hard work but emphasize importance of connecting. Help them express emotions instead of just-the-facts, which they use to prevent feeling too much.
NEXT: Ennea Humor -Part 2