Anger – CATEGORIES : Righteous, Self-sacr, Shame (#13)

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SITE: Anger Disorder
22• “Our Righteous Anger Addiction

NOTE : Click “Acronyms”on Homepage for abbrev.


▪️“RIGHTEOUS”/ Moral anger
a. ARROGANT – Those of us who believe we’re always correct – both for ourselves & for everyone else. This leads us to think we have the absolute ‘right’ to insist that others follow a set of rules – that are in our head.
When specific people or groups/ institutions break those rules, we get very angry. What we object to may in fact be unhealthy, but not always. Such ‘offenders’ are considered bad, evil, wicked, sinful – who need to be scolded, punished, & then taught the correct way to think & superioract. We rant at them or about them – with friends, on social media, even sometimes with physical violence

• It gives us a sense of superiority because we’re convinced our anger is for a good cause – like unhealthy Enneagram #1s – we’re trying to ‘clean up the world’. We don’t see that our world-view is rigid & narrow, assuming everyone is or should be just like us (narcissism), & that others have their own values & moral codes, not like ours.

When our behavior is questioned or objected to – we don’t feel guilty, but arrogantly justify it.  When someone points out our unfair harshness, we get very angry. Even if the objector apologizes & backs down right away, (although they were correct), Righteous types enjoy humiliating them for their ‘moral ignorance or laxity’ & continue attacking the worlds’ wrong-doers.

b. LEGITIMATE – In religious terms, Righteous anger means responding in accordance with Divine / Spiritual or moral law. This can prompt an understandable attitude & action from an outraged sense of justice or morality, free from guilt or a sin-label.
▫️ More generally, ‘Righteous Indignation’ focuses on the ‘Higher or fight evilGreater good’ rather than based on self-centered motives. It comes from a sincerely desire to make the world a better place for everyone – not just ourself.

We see the injustice & evil around us & are inspired to fight for something beyond our own experiences. Whether it’s for a loved one or a strangers in dire circumstance being unfairly treated or abused, it’s natural to feel angry, & healthy anger can fuel effective action

▫️ This anger is a reaction to actual abuse of power (something that’s unjust, mean or unworthy), not to something that’s personally inconvenient, a violation of social tradition, our paranoia or hobby-horse (favorite annoyance we keep going on about)
▫️ It is part of a group of healthy qualities – such as self-control, unwillingness to do harm, good boundaries, genuine care for the welfare of others, altruism….. (minus arrogance, self-pity, hopelessness….)

When we sacrifice our time, money, dignity, needs, dreams…. for another, AND there is no acknowledgment or appreciation, & maybe with no end in sight – anger is inevitable. self sactificeWhether our sacrifice:
• is by choice, as in being a parent or elder care-taker, OR
• from co-dependence, as in trying to always please others & only getting ‘crumbs’, OR
• because of social / political / religious reasons, out of our control —-> anger is inevitable….
How we ‘understand’ & process that anger is what makes the difference as to how we stifle or proceed with our life.
STOP the Self-Sacrifice” // “Anger & maternal sacrifice

This is typical of people who need a lot of attention but never get enough. THEY:
• compulsively try to cover-up their imperfections with perfectionism, & inevitably fail to live up to their impossible standard
• are afraid to admit & express ‘weak’ emotions (loneliness, sorrow, shame angerfear….)
• are overly sensitive to criticism, even when it’s in the form of helpful suggestions
• project their S-H on to everyone else (‘No one likes me’….)
• are unable to live up to their responsibilities (family man out of work, sickly mother….)

Shame-anger comes from the WIC thinking that whenever others hurt us we’ll feel better if we lash back with ridicule, blame, criticism…. Naturally this will always backfire, our outbursts & loss of control pushing even loved ones away, making us feel even more inadequate & ashamed.
(“What is SHAME” post // The Shame-Rage connection)

NEXT: Categories #14

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