PREVIOUS: A. Categories (#7)
See ACRONYM page for abbrev.
SITE: Depression & Anger
3. OTHER Anger-EXPRESSIONS (cont)
This is the cold fire that started as accumulated anger toward someone or something which the hater feels is totally evil & totally undeserving of compassion or forgiveness.
They see themselves as innocent victims, & there may have been a time when they were – but may not be any more. Their rage has never been processed & resolved, & in the form of obsessive resentment, it can go on forever. They vow to despise the offender, often thinking about ways to punish him/her, & sometimes they do.
If they can’t get back at the original perpetrator, they find other opportunities in life to vent their bitterness. They create a universe of enemies to fight, attacking with great vigor & enthusiasm. However, this hatred causes themselves serious damage over time just as much as harming others. Haters can’t let go or get on with life. They become hard & miserable – in a narrow, rigid existence.
Being judgmental of others is a way of saying that WHO they are is bad, instead of evaluating their behavior as good or bad. ‘Judgy’ people find fault with almost everything & everyone, from the government to the color of a car.
They’re angry & resentful about their own life, which they project out onto the world. Hurting others is a way of making themselves feel better, directing critical, shaming or scathing comments at the object of their anger, or at any available substitute. Being constantly judgmental indicated being closed minded, with a lack of respect, empathy & good manners
✸ Being judgmental is different from making good judgments, which is realistically evaluating the merits of something – safe/ unsafe, positive/ negative, healthy/ unhealthy – in general, or as applied to our specific needs (the appropriate person to date, healthiest foods, best way to spend our money…..)
LOW-LEVEL anger can be:
√ mild, when a situation is annoying but not serious, often suppressed, OR
√ strong but hidden, mainly from the ‘feeler’, & disguised as nonchalance. This is harder to spot in someone, but can be impatience or exasperation over the smallest thing (a fly buzzing, a person wearing some-thing unattractive, a loud commercial….), especially if it doesn’t seem to bother anyone else
It also includes being argumentative, impatient, easily frustrated & cranky. One way to tell is to ask, “Is there any family member whose constant irritability affects your ability to have a good relationship with them?” If Yes, then they probably have low-level anger
INTERESTING contrast – Much of our psychological ‘wisdom’ tells us that it’s bad to express too much anger, but this is not true in every culture.
EXP: Young people out drinking on a Friday night —
🇬🇧 in England, ERs are full by midnight with fight injuries. Whereas,
🇧🇮 in Basque cities (northern Spain) you’ll see a group of people in a bar arguing so vigorously it seems inevitable that a fight will break out – but it rarely does. Low-level anger is not just expressed, it’s almost exaggerated, so that the full-blown variety is usually not needed
Whatever the nationality, alcohol loosens inhibitions, so the most likely explanation for the difference is that the Basques bottle their anger up less, while the Brits need the bottle to let it out. (from ‘The Guardian’)
🇵🇷 In the USA – there’s an epidemic of low-level-continuous-anger. One way it shows up is in “the ambient misanthropy of snarkiness – the snide, bitchy, cynical, catty, sarcastic, irascible remarks or quips at the expense of other people. They’re not actually witty – like the Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker, Mae West way – but rather snotty remarks, poking fun in a hurtful, superior way. Snarky is intended as brutally-blunt irony, often delivered in an abrupt manner to stun.” (MORE…..)
NEXT: Anger Categories (Part 9)