I JUST CAN’T HANDLE
all the stuff I have to deal with!
PREVIOUS: A. Categories (#6)
SITE: “What Your Anger May Be Hiding”
(scroll to: “Anger as a ‘Safe’ Way to attach….)
3. OTHER Anger-EXPRESSIONS (cont)
ENVY / JEALOUSY anger
Both come from a feeling of being powerless to get what WE want /need, but do not have the right or ability to achieve
Envy is a 2-person emotion – I want what you have, which I never had (a loving family, a healthy body, the right to be who you are, good looks, an education….) SITE re. the differences – also re. God
Jealousy is the 3-person love triangle:
√ I want who you have, which I never had (you have lots of friends, a wonderful mate, a great boss…..) AND don’t believe I ever will
√ OR am terrified of losing of something I have or thought I had (love of my mate, connection to my children, full attention from a parent…..)
EXP: Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” – from her real experience
Frustration is the emotion we feel whenever we’re blocked from reaching a desired outcome – anywhere from the minor irritations of losing something to the major aggravation of a long-term inability to reach an important goal.
It’s often experienced when a result doesn’t match all the effort we put in to achieving something, or our work produces fewer, weaker results than we think it should have.
If the frustration goes on too long or is too great, is can make us irritable, resentful & angry. The more important the goal, the greater the frustration, resulting in anger & loss of confidence.
√ At worst – one can spiral downward into depression & resignation.
√ At ‘best’, frustration can be a useful indicator of a problem that needs to be corrected or changed
• Internal sources can come from real personal damage OR imagined deficiencies (S-H) which prevent us from getting what we want. This can lead to turning the anger against ourselves, criticizing ourselves for lack of knowledge, planning, preparation, perseverance……
√ We can stay in a frustrating situation from a belief that making life easier is a weakness, a loss of control
√ Frustration can come from having competing goals that interfere with one another (internal DBs), even when both are positive (Child wishes vs Adult needs....)
• External causes involve conditions outside ourselves from other people or situations that get in our way. Deliberately frustrating others is an act of control, for power & status. When we are refused permission, our actions blocked or resources withdrawn – we feel angry, but it’s not always wise or safe to show it. Somethings we can get around or modify an obstacle, but others are inescapable (Serenity Prayer)
EXP: MINOR: traffic, waiting in line, ‘on hold’, something’s sold out, crying baby…..
MAJOR: Gov’t or legal regulations, politics & bureaucracy at work, long-term / chronic illness, permanent disability, all forms of prejudice….
HABITUAL Anger (“Anger – Ways to React” #2, Chronic)
These people have the habit of always being angry, which they think makes life predictable. They always know what they feel. Life may be lousy but it has a shape – it’s ‘safe’ & stable. The down side – their porcupine exterior insures they can’t get close to anyone – to show love to others or let themselves be loved
Trapped in a vicious loop, they start out being angry about something that made them unhappy – probably legitimate. It then morphs into a whole way of life, where they’re angry about being unhappy & unsuccessful, which makes them angry, which keeps them unhappy…..!!
EXP: Like the stereotype mean old man who’s always cranky. It’s his go-to response when he doesn’t understand something & doesn’t want to seem stupid or out of date. He may have given up trying to figure the world out, “too old” to learn technology or ‘get’ the younger generation….
NEXT: Anger Categories (Part 8)