YES, I HAVE LOTS OF OPTIONS
but I only use the ones I know well
PREVIOUS: Anger Categories #2
SITE Top 5 Angry Cartoon Characters, w/ corrections
Addictions fall into : “substance” (chemicals) and “process” (co-dependence, food, gambling, hoarding, spending, work, anger….).
Science has proven that ‘rageaholism’ is real. Like any addiction, the emotion discharges catecholamine neurotransmitters : dopamine, epinephrine, norepinephrine & an adrenaline surge, with increased heart rate & blood pressure – which makes us feel alive, even euphoric. (Post: Anger & the brain– #2).
Edie Weinstein, LSW wrote, “Addiction is characterized by inability to consistently abstain from the craving, as seen in impaired behavioral control, dysfunctional emotional responses, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and with interpersonal relationships….. ”
Because such people have not learned other ways to feel good, they become dependent on their anger. They’ll often create a crisis or look for jobs & relationships which provide the rush of excitement they ‘need’. They may look for ways to be offended & opportunities to pick fights – pouring more fuel on the fire – creating conflicts wherever they go. (MORE….)
• As with substance addicts, people who needs a daily anger “fix” can get antsy & irritable or lethargic & bored – when it’s not available. They feel mental tension & physical discomfort, so that when the craving is finally satisfied, they experience some relief. It becomes a vicious cycle – the more the brain wiring is reinforced, the more the anger-produced chemicals are strengthened
Anger-high is used to elevate depressed mood & release pent-up emotions. It gives the ‘adrenaline junkie’ a sense of being in control, & covers other emotions like fear, frustration, hurt, sadness… Anger is forceful, so it’s used to re-gain a sense of power & status, but without the internal assurance of actually being safe & worthwhile
Such people need intensity, so their anger takes on an all-or-nothing pattern, & catecholamine neuro-transmitters are released, causing a blast of kinetic energy, but the relief is short-lived, often followed by a nasty emotional hangover, creating more problems than it solves
▪️AGGRESSIVE anger (direct)
This is intense anger expressed in visible behavior, designed to hurt the person we experience as having harmed us, or who triggers our old pain.
The attacks are the result of focusing so strongly on our own personal needs & wounds. In this state we’re oblivious to consequences (a narcissistic lack of empathy), so we’ll act out, causing trouble
Anti-social / having a bad attitude : finger-pointing, ignoring people’s feelings, open defiance, prejudice, stealing, stirring up trouble, unfair punishments, wearing clothes or symbols associated with violent behavior, willful discrimination….
Physical: flashes of temper, physical or sexual violence of any kind (fist shaking, kicking, hitting, shoving, slapping, threaten with a weapon….), tailgating, excessively blowing car horn, slamming doors….
Verbal: used as armor & as a weapon, including vulgar or biased jokes, bickering, blaming, breaking a confidence, endless negativity & fault-finding, frightening by using threats of social or physical harm, foul language, insults, judging, labeling, malicious gossip, nagging, name-calling, refusal to talk, unjust accusations of immorality or of having detestable traits or motives….
ALSO: Sarcasm & Teasing – a way to express anger indirectly, with clever but cruel remarks disguised as humor.
EXP: “It’s OK that you’re late. I had time to read the menu―40 times!”
Teasers are often in denial about their underlying rage, thinking they’re just being funny, so they figure that if the recipient of a barbed witticism gets angry – that’s on
them. They feel justified in accusing the other person of over-reacting: “I’m just kidding…. you’re way too sensitive!”
But these kinds of comments are mean, so recipients will feel the hurt & withdraw or retaliate. Although some people insist that mockery is a form of intellectual humor, the very word sarcasm is related to the Greek word ‘sarkazein’, meaning “to tear flesh like dogs.” Ouch! (MORE... 4 pages)
NEXT: Anger Categories (Part 4)