ACoAs: BOOKENDING with the WIC (Part 3)


 Book-ending, Part 1

POST: My Rights



2 USES (written or mental) 
1. Identify an activity (A) that makes you anxious just thinking about it! – going to a party, making a cold-call, asking for a need, verbally objecting to mistreatment ….

2. Before taking the action, list as many scary, mean, negative beliefs (T) about the situation you can come up with, in 2 categories – ‘About Me’ & ‘About Them’.  🧩 Use CHART from “Why are you Stuck?”
• These assumptions will come mainly from the WIC, but may also represent the Bad Parent voice (PP), by “I” or “You’ statements

✶ Include experiences you’ve already had with this particular scary person or event, so you’re clear about who or what you’re dealing with
— This can be tricky is you tend to paranoia, as your evaluation may be slanted or incorrect
— However, we often ignore what we DO know about people, places & things that are unpleasant, unsuitable or actually harmful

3. When possible, take the planned action (A).
4. Afterwards, so back to the original list & write down:self-esteem
• what actually happened
• how that was the similar to, partly or totally different from the ‘PRE’ list?
• how do you feel now (your emotions)?
• using the Adult ego state, what do you conclude (T) about this event now?

#1. Afraid to say NO to someone’s request
#2. “They’ll be mad at me / won’t like me…. if I decline”
#3. I fearfully call or text: “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to —-”
#4. Possible positive results:
• The person says OK & is not upset with me
• I’m relieved & surprised, can’t believe it was so easy
• It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be (not bad at all)

Use the same 5 points above, but for this version:
1. write down the event or situation you’re excited about, & exactly how you picture it turning out – fulfilling all your hopes & dreams
2. write all the beliefs, assumptions, projections & expectations you have for the person or event.
If you’ve had previous experience with this particular person / situation, list what happened before
• Continue with  #3 & #4 as above.
Re. ANY GOAL – If you tend towards grandiosity, idealization, & over-expecting, you’re likely to exaggerate how something will turn out – for you. The general rule is to FIRST identify : ipad notes
a. what you automatically think will happen
b. cut that expectation in half
c. cut that in half 
d. take the action with this new goal
a. I’m going to a dance, secretly convinced I’ll meet Mr/Ms. Right & live happily ever after
b. Half : I’ll meet someone, we’ll click & we’ll go home together
c. Half again is: I’ll enjoy the music, dance with different people & be happy I went out for the evening. I may or may not meet anyone I like!
d. I can explain this to the IC, & then go, with much less anxiety!
• When this 2-part tool is new, it’s best to do it in written form, anytime you’re particularly stressed about an action
• Eventually you can do bookending on the run – in your head – any time you need itre-wiring

REVIEW posts on CDs & the Brainto see why it’s so important to re-program the brain by adding new pathways.
Little by little the IC will be drawn into the present, where life can be much better than it started out – when our thinking is accurate!

You take a new action (A) that represents you personal growth & /or convert a self-harming belief into a positive thought (T)
🌈 Something good comes your way from the outside & you allow it in!

THEN: Anchor it with #4 to reinforce the ‘good stuff’, so it becomes your new norm. Say to the WIC: “See, wasn’t that great?!
Now you can use those accumulated positive experiences when you’ve temporarily slipped back into negativity – TO reminding your Inner Child you’re OK.

NEXT: ACoAs & Play #1

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