PREVIOUS: Book-ending, Part 1
POST: ✦ ‘ My Rights’
2. Before taking the action, list as many scary, mean, negative beliefs (T) about the situation you can come up with, in 2 categories – ‘About Me’ & ‘About Them’. 🧩 Use CHART from “Why are you Stuck?”
• These assumptions will come mainly from the WIC, but may also represent the Bad Parent voice (PP), by “I” or “You’ statements
✶ Include experiences you’ve already had with this particular scary person or event, so you’re clear about who or what you’re dealing with
— This can be tricky is you tend to paranoia, as your evaluation may be slanted or incorrect
— However, we often ignore what we DO know about people, places & things that are unpleasant, unsuitable or actually harmful
3. When possible, take the planned action (A).
4. Afterwards, so back to the original list & write down:
• what actually happened
• how that was the similar to, partly or totally different from the ‘PRE’ list?
• how do you feel now (your emotions)?
• using the Adult ego state, what do you conclude (T) about this event now?
#1. Afraid to say NO to someone’s request
#2. “They’ll be mad at me / won’t like me…. if I decline”
#3. I fearfully call or text: “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to —-”
#4. Possible positive results:
• The person says OK & is not upset with me
• I’m relieved & surprised, can’t believe it was so easy
• It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be (not bad at all)
Use the same 5 points above, but for this version:
1. write down the event or situation you’re excited about, & exactly how you picture it turning out – fulfilling all your hopes & dreams
2. write all the beliefs, assumptions, projections & expectations you have for the person or event.
If you’ve had previous experience with this particular person / situation, list what happened before
• Continue with #3 & #4 as above.
Re. ANY GOAL – If you tend towards grandiosity, idealization, & over-expecting, you’re likely to exaggerate how something will turn out – for you. The general rule is to FIRST identify :
a. what you automatically think will happen
b. cut that expectation in half
c. cut that in half
d. take the action with this new goal
a. I’m going to a dance, secretly convinced I’ll meet Mr/Ms. Right & live happily ever after
b. Half : I’ll meet someone, we’ll click & we’ll go home together
c. Half again is: I’ll enjoy the music, dance with different people & be happy I went out for the evening. I may or may not meet anyone I like!
d. I can explain this to the IC, & then go, with much less anxiety!
• When this 2-part tool is new, it’s best to do it in written form, anytime you’re particularly stressed about an action
• Eventually you can do bookending on the run – in your head – any time you need it
REVIEW posts on ‘CDs & the Brain’ to see why it’s so important to re-program the brain by adding new pathways.
Little by little the IC will be drawn into the present, where life can be much better than it started out – when our thinking is accurate!
HEALTHY USE – EVERY time:
❣️You take a new action (A) that represents you personal growth & /or convert a self-harming belief into a positive thought (T)
🌈 Something good comes your way from the outside & you allow it in!
THEN: Anchor it with #4 to reinforce the ‘good stuff’, so it becomes your new norm. Say to the WIC: “See, wasn’t that great?!
Now you can use those accumulated positive experiences when you’ve temporarily slipped back into negativity – TO reminding your Inner Child you’re OK.
NEXT: ACoAs & Play #1