PREVIOUS: Child E.S. (Part 2)
CES = child ego state
AES = adult ” ”
PES = parent ” ”
NC = Natural C. // AC = Adapted C.
▶ Inner Child PARTs
Before we have the grown-up components of the Adult & Parent, we develop rudimentary aspects of them – Child’s versions of Parent & Adult), along with the basic characteristics we’re born with – the C’s C. Eventually these 3 parts become the essence of the Inner Child E.S. no matter how old we are. (see Second Order E.S. Map).
✦ C’s Parent – sometimes called mother’s ‘Little Helper‘. Kids, even very small ones, will help a drunk parent up the stairs, rock their dolly to sleep, care for a pet… OR be bossy, lecture other kids, copy their parents’ way of treating their younger siblings…
⚒ Electrode (zaps you with a toxic command, causing a knee-jerk reaction), Witch Mother or Fairy Godmother
✦ C’s Adult – trying to do ‘grownup’ things, even before they’re ready, going to the store or school – alone, ‘being in charge’, showing off their cleverness & knowledge… trying to figure out how things work…. BUT without enough info or mature ego states to process everything correctly
⚒ The Little Professor
✦ C’s Child – our most basic self, the core of our identity, the most vulnerable part, the aspect of ourselves which, as adults, has often been suppressed to the point of being invisible. This part is composed of our physical self, instincts, biological urges, genetic recordings, and how we learn, our level of sensitivity, social preferences, the full range of emotions – from great joy to great pain, down to how we like our eggs cooked!
⚒ Magical Child or Little Fascist
While the +FC is our most basic self, the +AC is equally important, using learned behaviors to avoid pain & get what it wants/needs without being over-compliant, but functioning within set boundaries – to get along well in society
-FC refuses to adapt appropriately to society, over-rebelling against early abuse & neglect, to it’s own detriment, while the
-AC adapts in harmful ways (rescuing, over-conforming, being helpless, easily influenced by others…). (See E.S. Basics #2)
Both styles are compulsive, usually unconscious, applying their negative attitudes & behavior pattern to all circumstance indiscriminately. They’re run by Toxic Rules, such as ‘Don’t object to abuse, don’t deserve good things, Be like us, Hurry up, Don’t risk….’, the -AC obeying them, the -FC denying any rules exist
The WIC ACTING OUT
These form of the Adapted CES, which are mostly in the ‘Not OK’ mode, marked by guilt, helplessness, hurt, loneliness, rebelliousness, shame, terror & a deep sense of inadequacy
a. Negative ADAPTED C. (-AC): For everyone, the normal Child ego state includes some unpleasantness – having resistance, hostility or reactivity –
so a disobedient child, a rebellious teenager or someone with a personality disorder are acting from this state
Therefore we usually think of the inappropriate ‘rulership’ of the Child running us in our grown-up life – as coming solely from the unhealthy Adapted E.S, driven to obey the Toxic Introject (PP). It’s most commonly seen in how poorly we take care of ourselves, how much we live in fear & are tortured by cruel & untrue thoughts/ beliefs (CDs)
b. Negative FREE (-FC): HOWEVER, for some people the Unhealthy FREE Child is in the driver’s seat – most or ALL of the time.
We’re born totally +FC, having gotten all our needs met in the womb. Immediately that starts changing – at every turn we’re required to conform to the world around us. An infant has no choice.
🔺 If our environment is relatively stable & encouraging, we can safely accept what is expected of us by our culture without sacrificing our Natural Self
🔻 BUT when our early life is full of danger, disrespect & dismissal, our native personality will tend to choose one extreme or another, either over-conform or over-rebel, as a coping mechanism