ACoAs & TIME (Part 3)


  

PREVIOUS: ACoAs & Time (Part 2)

SITE : Time TIPS w/ links

See ACRONYM page for abbrev.

QUOTE : “All great achievements require time” ˜~Maya Angelou

3. REQUIRED TIME (cont)
a. Much more time than something should take, normally (Part 2)

b. Much less time than is realistic (cont)
SOURCE: Psychologically, our WIC is stuck at a very young age (pre-clock-reading) as a result of trauma
NORMAL: Small children are very much in the moment, living from event to event, so time is unrelated to behavior. Motion-in-time (action) seems to be a succession of unplanned situations that just happen. There are no boundaries.

Children flow through consecutive activities, none of which are measured by clock-time. They live in infinite space, with no responsibility for the past or the future. Time has no real duration, events have no beginning or end. Before developing structured thought, there can be no “time” for a child…..

DAMAGE: Adults who act that way are in a temporary or constant state of regression – not living in present time-reality & not being run by a Healthy Adult ego state. Difficulty in accurately assessing & using time is another way ACoAs are ‘out of control’**

** BTW – being ‘out of control’ means only one thing: Not having a choice, in a particular moment, in a given situation. This can be either compulsively (without a conscious decision) DO-ing something – like verbally attacking a person, or NOT doing something – like not leaving a place where you’re being hurt in some way, or it’s just not right for you (at the moment, or ever)

Suggestion for Correction
If you identify with this issue, then no matter what the activity – always add 2x or 3x the amount of time you’re so sure it will take. If it’s less, you’ll be pleasantly surprised. If the extra time was needed, you won’t feel as frustrated, disappointed & angry.

✔️ For a while, each evening you can write down:
• a simple oucheck timetline of activities you’re planning for the next day, including daily routines, like getting ready, eating, chores… Don’t forget transportation times.  If you look on GoogleMaps, it tells you times allotted to get from point A to point B. Do not under-estimate.

IT’S NEVER ENOUGH!
• decide how much total time you want to allot to each segment, in chunks (2 hrs in the am, or 4 hrs in the pm, or 3 hrs before bedtime…)

• Next to each action – write how long you think it will or should take. Then add 15-30 min. to each item
• If you don’t know, pick an easy action you can repeat once a day, for a week, & then write down how long it took. No dawdling or distraction
OR —
Set a timer to go off every half hr, do an activity & see how far you get in that time. KEEP A LOG! If you get stuck, write down what you were feeling and thinking at the point where you stopped your activity.

• Adding up the actual time something lasted will give you an idea of how many things you can get done in your personal time-frame. What are you thinking and FEELING?

• Choose the activities you most have to do first, & then balance it with some healthy soothing or fun treat for your kid.
If you do have to put off play time, AND if you promise to make it up later, be sure to do at least one of them on the next ‘free day’, or else your IC:
— will be angry, sulky, disappointed, despondent…
— will experience You (the Adult) as being as bad as the PP (abusive, unfair, uncaring, untruthful…)
— won’t be able to depend on you, trust you in future, be willing to turn its ‘power’ over to you – in order to be taken care of.

SOFTWARE: RescueTime helps you understand where your time goes each day. Optimize your energy. And take back control of your day.

NEXT: ACoAs & Time (Part 4)

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